Saturday, November 22, 2014

Un-traditional Ring Makes Men Think She is Single

Dear Tazi:

I am a married woman with an un-traditional wedding band.  My ring is not a simple gold band, but a blue sapphire encrusted gold circlet.  The ring has been in my husband’s family for several generations, and came over to this country with his great-great-great grandfather who brought it with him from Europe to give to his arranged bride.  It was a marriage that produced 11 children, and has been passed down through the years to the eldest son or grandson (if there were no sons that generation).  My ring has an incredible amount of sentimental value to my husband and me, and I would not trade it for the Hope diamond itself! 

My problem is that, because it is not a traditional ring, single men do not realize that I am married and often ask me for my phone number.  I work as a bartender, so this problem crops up a lot.  My usual response is something along the lines of “My husband doesn’t allow me to date anyone but him!” at which point the male inquirer gets upset and asks me why I don’t wear a wedding ring.  When I hold up my hand to show my ring, I am accused of “not wearing a real wedding ring” and “trying to boost tips” by pretending to be single.  Tazi, this is not my intent! 

Last week, a regular customer (who is quite wealthy and spends a lot of money in the restaurant, as well as at the bar) complained to my manager that I am leading men on by not making it clear that I am married and that he finds this behavior offensive.  My manager mentioned this complaint to me and told me to “try and let on” that I am not available.  Short of wearing a sign around my neck, how exactly should I do this?

Signed,
Barmaid Brittany

Dear Barmaid Brittany:

I think your should wear a small sign around your neck, like this one:


This absurd gesture should let your boss see just how absurd his/her request was, and should show your regular customer that you do not appreciate being accused of hiding your marital status.  Once the point is made you can take off the sign; your point will have been made and your sense of humor will be showing, and nobody can say that you are hiding your marital status.  This will also offer you an opening to explain the significance of your ring, should you desire.

Working at a bar – even one that is inside a nice restaurant – you are going to interact with more than your fair share of problem people.  Try to remember that alcohol intensifies a person’s personality and behavior; also, it is not called “liquid courage” for nothing!  If a patron finds you attractive, it may take more than a few drinks for him to work up the courage to ask for your phone number.  Rejection will have a double sting since he has spent a nice chunk of money working up his nerve.  Your usual response is kind and witty; I see no problem with it.  I think your regular customer needs to lighten up a bit!  

Your wedding ring sounds not only beautiful in looks, but also in sentiment.  I wish you and your husband many happy years together!

Snuggles,
Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Friday, November 21, 2014

Was the Phone Call Really An Emergency? Or Just A Way Out Of A Bad Date?

Dear Tazi:

I need an honest opinion. What does it mean when you are single, go on a date, and the woman you are with gets an "emergency" phone call that requires her to end the evening early? This has happened to me twice in the past month, both times with ladies I was interested in getting to know better (thus far, it has not happened with women that I was not interested in seeing again). Both times I tried calling the next day to follow up and make sure that everything was okay; and both times the ladies in question were polite and apologetic for having to leave early, but neither time did they suggest making things up to me by meeting me for another date.

I am told that I am an extremely attractive man and that I have a good personality. I am financially stable, I own my own home, and am current on the mortgage. My children are grown and independent and my ex-wife and I are still on good terms; yet I am starting to question if there is something wrong with me! Could I be doing something to put-off women to whom I am attracted and would like to pursue a relationship? Or do you think that these two "emergencies" really were emergencies, and the ladies were just too embarrassed to ask to see me again?

Signed,
CasaNOVA

Dear CasaNOVA:

I like your cutesy play on words, where you capitalize the "NOVA" in your signature! Are you this charming in person, too? [Ed. Note: The phrase "no va" is Spanish for "it doesn't go"]. However, I have to add that what I find charming, some humans may find cloying and annoying. If you overdose a woman on charm, she may start looking for the nearest exit.

I am intrigued by the fact that these "emergency phone calls" only came in when you were on dates with women who interested you; and not with those you did not wish to see again. Could it be that, in your zeal to let them know that you were interested, you were being a tad too aggressive in courting these women? A good date can turn bad quickly when one person starts planning a future that the other party is not yet ready to envision.

When they go on a date, most women have some sort of exit strategy in case the evening does not turn out as planned. Some women are direct; others are more subtle, employing the "emergency phone call" trick, wherein a friend calls their mobile phone to check-in. If the date is going well, the call is ignored; if the date is not going well, a "sudden emergency" can be claimed and the date ended. Never have I heard of a man calling the next day to follow-up and see if everything is okay. Again, this could be seen as charming and polite or it could be seen as overly-aggressive and creepy.

I suggest that you take the time to analyse your own behavior, asking yourself the hard questions to get to the truth of the matter: Are you coming off as a blow-hard? Are you being overly aggressive in your attempts to charm the ladies? Are you pushing to move things along faster (physically or emotionally) than your date would like? You do not say how many recent dates you have had in total - with ladies that interested you as well as with those that did not - so I am unable to see the entire picture. Being cold and flu season, it really could be that the babysitter called because Junior got sick all over the rug.

You give an attractive description of yourself, so on paper you sound like the type of man every woman dreams of finding - but sometimes, dreams do not live up to reality. Since you are on good terms with your ex-wife, maybe you could ask her opinion of what might be happening to prematurely terminate your promising dates.

Snuggles,
Tazi


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Thursday, November 20, 2014

Leaving The Past Where It Belongs Can Be Difficult When Meeting Someone New

Dear Tazi:

Many years ago, when I was still young, I made some stupid mistakes and fell in with the wrong crowd.  I used and sold drugs, and ended up in jail because of it.  I have done my time and have completed my probation, and have rebuilt my life following a straight and narrow path.  I go to church, donate money to charity, and live a quiet, middle-class life.  I would like to meet a woman to share my life with, but it seems that they are all scared away by my past.

I now believe in always being honest, so my past is something I mention early on when I start seeing someone new – I do not want to be accused of keeping it secret, should a relationship develop, and I want any relationship that develops to be based upon honesty and trust.  My friends all tell me that my past is in my past and that is where I should keep it; that my honesty is scaring women away, but like I said, I can’t see myself building a relationship on a dishonest foundation.  Tazi, do you think there is a woman out there who can accept me for who I am now, while forgiving me for who I once was?

Signed,
New Leaf

Dear New Leaf:

While I congratulate you on turning your life around and becoming a productive, law-abiding member of society, I’d like to remind you that there is a difference between honesty and complete transparency.  How much of your past are you mentioning and how soon are you mentioning it?  As charming and successful as you may be now, I highly doubt that a woman wants to hear about your criminal record on a first date!  The chances of this revelation leading to a second date are, as you have probably found, slim to none.

I suggest that upon meeting a new romantic interest you take the time to get to know each other for you who are now and who you seek to become in the future.  This groundwork can take several dates to form, and will give each of you the chance to decide if you want something more from each other.  Who knows?  You may decide that the woman who interested you a few weeks ago is not your type; why would you want to reveal such personal information about your past to someone who will not be a part of your future?

Once you feel that a lasting connection is forming – either romantic or platonic – the subject of both of your pasts can be brought up in conversation.  Talk to each other about your childhoods; the morals with which you were raised; and ease into the less comfortable subjects, explaining that your past is what encouraged you to become the person you are today, and the past is where your poor behavior will remain. 

The great thing about pasts is that everyone has one, and they all contain information we would rather keep to ourselves.  The great thing about finding the right person is that they love you for who you are – past and all – and still want to be with you not in spite of your past, but because it has helped to make you the person you are today.  I wish you much luck in your search for Miss Right!  Please let me know when you have found her!

Snuggles,
Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.