Friday, January 6, 2012

Bride-To-Be Has Cold Feet Towards Future Husband, But Warms Towards Future Brother-In-Law

Dear Tazi-Kat:

I am afraid that I am about to make the biggest mistake of my life. I am engaged, and my wedding is scheduled for December 12, 2012 - 12/12/12 - but I think I am marrying the wrong man. "Marc" is a good man, and I do love him; but I don't think I am in love with him. Throughout our relationship (2+ years) I have been happy; but I have always felt like there was something missing. Last month, Marc's brother "Justin" came home from oversees (he is a contractor who was working in the Middle East) and I got to meet him for the first time. Because they are brothers and are close in age they resemble each other, but that does not explain the amazing attraction I feel towards Justin. It is like he is the man I have been searching for my whole life and Marc is simply a shadow of him - which would explain my attraction to Marc.

I honestly believe that Justin is my soul-mate, and that he and I are meant to be together. The problem is, I do not know for certain how Justin feels about me. Obviously, he cannot say anything, what with me being engaged to his brother, but I a pretty certain that the attraction is mutual and he is just hiding it for the sake of family unity. I would like to say something to Justin, but am afraid that, if on the off chance he does not feel the same way, he will rat me out to Marc - then I will be left alone, with neither Justin or Marc.

I am very confused, Tazi-Kat; but like they say, the heart wants what the hearts wants - and my heart wants Justin. Could you advise me on what my next step should be, Tazi-Kat? I really feel like I should act soon, in order to make certain that I marry the correct brother on 12/12/12!

In Love With The Other Brother

Dear In Love...:

Let me get this straight: You have known your future brother-in-law for less than a month, but are already proclaiming your love for him - and are hoping that he feels the same, and will put these feelings for you above loyalty to his family? Sweetheart, you have been reading one too many Harlequin Romance novels if you think that is going to happen.

What is most likely going on is that you have cold-feet as your wedding date approaches, and are seeking a viable reason to call off the marriage without losing the security of your romantic relationship. By trading one brother for another, you would not have to go through the work of meeting someone new; developing relationships with his family; and doing all of the awkward "getting to know you" things that occur at the start of a new relationship. However, even if you were able to simply leave Marc to date Justin, do you honestly think that their family would be fine with this scenario? Something tells me the answer to that is "no".

Right now, you have a full eleven months before your wedding - to Marc. I will not even address the idea of using your current wedding date and plans to marry his brother. I suggest that your immediate action be to dial the number of a licensed counselor to hash over all that you have written in your letter [Editor's Note: The letter was edited due to length and explicit content]. Regular sessions with a professional will help you to accept what is reality and what is fantasy; as well as assist you in accepting that which can never be reality.

I also suggest that you and Marc get some premarital counseling, if you are not already doing so. In discussing what you both expect from each other - and your future together - your interest in Justin may wane and your uncertainties about Marc may be calmed. Or, you may find the exact opposite to be true - either way, you and Marc will be moving forward with all of your cards upon the table. I realize that some of the things that are addressed may be hurtful to Marc, but it is better to address these matters before the two of you are married rather than after.

Once you have clarity on why you have stayed with Marc - in spite of the fact that you feel something is "missing" - and why you feel such sudden attraction to Justin, you will be able to make a firm decision on whether or not to call off the wedding. Since your wedding date is still a full year away - and on a date that is certain to be in demand, regardless of the fact that it falls on a Wednesday - I do not think you will have a problem getting a return on your deposits if your doubts are still in place as the day draws nearer.

-- Tazi-Kat

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