Monday, November 26, 2012

Husband's Alleged Affair Revealed Post-Passing

Dear Tazi:

My husband of fifty years passed away this past September.  Our marriage was not a spectacular one, but I thought we had a mutual respect for each other and the vows we once took.  About a month after "George's" passing, a woman knocked on my door during Sunday dinner.  She seemed pleased that my children and grandchildren were gathered around the table, and told us she had an announcement to make: that she and George had been "involved" with each other for over two decades - she she had been a young intern at the company where he worked - and that she had only just learned of his passing.  She informed us that he had promised her certain accommodations upon his death and that she would appreciate if we would hear them out.

Tazi, I was too shocked to say or do anything, but thankfully my children were not.  My eldest son took the lead and told her that she was not welcome in our home with her outrageous claims and to leave and not come back.  My afternoon was ruined, and I retired to my bedroom as my children cleaned up from dinner.  Since that incident, I have been going through George's personal effects, looking for proof of an affair.  I figure one that lasted as long as this woman claimed would leave some sort of evidence, but there is none; no photographs, cards or letters, emails,or tokens of affection.  My children assured me that their father was a faithful man, and that this woman was probably just a scam artist.

I have started to feel a little better about this whole situation and am working on moving forward with my life, but this woman contacted me again this week.  George's will is in probate, and the proper channels have been taken, including the advertisements in the legal section of the paper.  The woman who claims to have been George's paramour has told me that she will be making a claim against the will, unless I wish to avoid the public humiliation of George's infidelity and come to a private accord with her and give her all that George promised.  She did not specify what she sought, so I told her I would need to think things through first.

Tazi, my children tell me that I should call the police and report this woman for blackmail. but I am afraid if I take the issue public it will only tarnish the memories people have of George and of our marriage.  I am considering hearing this woman out and seeing what it is she wants before making my next move, but my children tell me this is a bad idea; that this woman seems manipulative and that I would be playing into her hands.

Please respond to my letter as soon as possible, Tazi, before my choices are made for me.


Dear Cuckolded?

There are some low-down, dirty, rotten scoundrels out there who prey on those they think are too addled to think straight.  After the death of a spouse, many who are left behind become the victim of these louses; do not let yourself become one, too.

When a person dies, their obituary is generally full of personal information - including where they worked for any length of time; their hobbies; and other personal details, which could be how this woman knew where your husband worked and how she concocted her story.  In order to make any kind of claim against a person's estate, said claimant needs to have written proof of debts or other promises to pay or bequeath property.  From the sound of her behavior, I doubt that this "other woman" has any of that.

Before getting the police involved, which would make the entire sordid situation public, I suggest you call this woman's bluff and ask her what proof of claim she has against your husband's estate.  Since she has not been forthcoming over what your husband allegedly promised to her, it seems to me that she does not know exactly what assets he left behind; that she is waiting for you to reveal what properties or accounts your husband held so she can make claim on them.  I do not believe that this woman will be able to produce a single scrap of paper legally detailing what George left her, nor will she be able to offer an accurate verbal assessment.  Without legal proof of a claim, she has no way of making a claim against your husband's estate. If you decided to get the police involved at this point, that is your decision alone.

Sadly, you must also face the slim possibility that this woman is telling the truth.  If that is the case, she still has no legitimate claim to your husband's estate (no rings = no things), but I would suggest that you employ the services of a grief counselor to help you sort through everything.


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

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