Sunday, November 18, 2012

Tazi's Corner #19 - Texas to Secede?

Dear Readers,

I was hoping to write about a return to normalcy after the election for this week's Tazi's Corner, but discovered that normalcy is still a long way least in Texas.

Over 100,000 (and counting!) Texans have signed a petition stating they would like for Texas to secede from the United States and return to being an independent country.  That’s 100,000 in a state of more than 25,000,000 citizens.  In other words, less than 1% of Texas is seeking to secede from the United States because it is unhappy with the political direction the country is headed.  Is 1% of the general public is all it takes to get a referendum on the ballot in Texas?  I know that is all you need to get the President's attention, which seems like an awfully low number.  My other question is – and please explain the answers if you know them - what gives this 1% so much power?  Are they the 1% who control the oil rigs?  The 1% who control the banking system?  The 1% who make Warren Buffet look like a pauper?  If they are, I say let them go…this could make for an interesting experiment.

However, I do wonder about the remaining citizens of Texas.  What if they don't want to secede?  Will they be forced to pack up and move?  Ugh...what a pain in the butt!  I hate moving!  All the digging out and packing...deciding to keep and what to toss...and then seeing your most prized possession - in  my case, a half-rotted chipmunk that I was saving in the crawl space - accidentally thrown out because someone doesn't realize it was something important!  [Ed. note: True story.  It was disgusting.  The worst part was that Tazi deposited it on his Mommie's favorite throw pillow, where it would not be missed].  I think I would rather just stay put and go with the flow than have to move again.  

I have read up (over Mommie’s shoulder) how Secessionist Texans feel that America is headed in the wrong direction, both politically and socially; I have read comments that the rest of America should be more like Texas!   I have read claims that Texas is #1 in the country for job creation; I have also read that the jobs being created pay minimum wage, which doesn't even bring workers up to poverty level wages.  I am trying to imagine how Texas would run itself if it was an independent country.

Texas has the highest rate of capital punishment in the United States.  Since it has been proven that the death penalty is not a deterrent to crime (just to recidivism) it is safe to believe that Texas will remain an area high in violent crime.  This means that Texas will need to beef up its force of Rangers and other law enforcement agents, since the DEA, ATF, FBI, and other members of the alphabet soup that make up the Federal branches of U.S. law enforcement will no longer be assisting Texas in its capture of crazy ax murderers that wander the state (and you thought they only used chainsaws!) or the war against the Zeta drug lords who live just across the Rio Grande.  Texans, I realize that you value your right to carry a concealed hand-gun anywhere you please, and from the look of it that gun is going to be a necessity when the Zetas no longer have to worry about keeping their violent arguments south of the Rio Grande

If Texas secedes from the United States, it will also have to hire its own Border Agents and National Guardsman.  If Texas were an independent state, America would no longer work to keep undocumented immigrants out of Texas; rather, it would be working to keep Texans out of America.  Like all others who look like they were not born in America (i.e. our tan-skinned brethren), Texans would have to prove that they are United States citizens while moseying around on American soil.  I would pay to watch this, as would others so maybe Texas could work that income into its Federal budget, which they are going to need since they will no longer be able to depend on the U.S. Federal government for aid.  Any assistance to Texas would be in the form of foreign aid, and quite frankly Texas is not geo-politically positioned to assist the U.S., so any request for assistance may take a while to get noticed.

What does Texas have going for it if it secedes?  It has been argued that Texas is a rich source of oil, and Americans need oil.  Can you imagine the profits to be made, now that all that oil will be on the open market and not in the U.S. Reserves?  I admit, we are drunk on oil, but you need to remember that the State of Texas does not own the oil rigs.  Oil rigs and processing plants are privately owned businesses.  In order to earn any kind of income from them, the Texas government would have to tax these entities!  How well is that going to fly among the owners of these multi-billion dollar enterprises?  Isn't one of the reasons for secession the belief that Americans are overtaxed?  Just wait until you move out of Uncle Sam’s house, Texas, to see how high taxes can get! 

Another concern regarding oil is the Gulf of Mexico.  This oil-rich body of water does not belong to Texas, and if Texas tries to claim it they are going to wish that they had some kind of military to back up their actions – but they won’t, because the military is Federal; so all of those military bases in Texas (all 15 of them!) will actually be foreign bases, protecting the interests of the motherland, the United States. 

Texas, what is going to happen to your tourist trade?  When it became required for Americans and Canadians to use a passport to cross the Northern border, a lot fewer Americans decided to cross that border.  Passports are not cheap; I for one can think of a lot of things that I would rather do with my $140 application/renewal fee – like put it towards a vacation somewhere on American soil!  What can I do in Texas that I can’t do somewhere in the other 49 states?  Okay, I will admit that I cannot carry a gun to church in the other 49, you've got me there!

My biggest question of all, should Texas secede, is what would happen to the fence that the U.S. built on the Mexican border?  Will it be dismantled and carried, mile by mile, to the U.S.–Texas border, since that will be the new dividing line between the U.S. and its southern border?  Just think, it would reunite Texans living on the wrong side of the fence with the rest of their country!  [Ed. Note: There is a 50,000 acre area of U.S. soil that is on the wrong side of the border fence].  I suppose there are bright spots to secession after all. 

Another bright spot to Texas seceding would be that the U.S. trade deficit would be slashed, since Texas would now have to import everything it needs from the U.S. – one cannot live on oil alone, now can they?  Food, clothing, cars…suddenly Chrysler’s “Imported from Detroit” slogan makes more sense!   

Suddenly, it all makes sense!
Further question: Would the Texas Federal Drug Administration allow for imports of U.S. medications, or would they hold the strict line that the U.S. now does with Canadian prescription drugs?  Would Texas even have an FDA, or would that department be cut as a part of the overhaul to eliminate wasteful and unnecessary government bureaucracy?  I hear that in Mexico, Valium is an over the counter medication!  In order to compete, would Texas do the same for Oxycontin? 

Speaking of competing with Mexico, the first time Texas seceded it was from Mexico.  Texas remained independent for nine years before asking the U.S. to annex the state, due to attacks from Mexico (which tried to re-annex it); threats from the British (who still sought a presence on the continent, even after two failed wars); a failed attempt by Texas to annex New Mexico (in order to increase its mineral holdings); and a $10,000,000 deficit (that’s in 1840’s dollars!) that left the country financially unstable (you can read all about it – and more – at  The United States went to war with Mexico over the decision to annex Texas, and claimed not just Texas but the entirely of the American Southwest as spoils of that war.  Quite honestly, I think America is big enough without adding to our southern border.  Should Texassecede,  I say we let them fight their own battle this time.

Texas, are you sure you have thought this through?

Paw Slaps of Disgust to the 100,000+; Snuggles ot the rest of you,

[Ed. Note: As of this writing, 19 other states are also seeking to secede, but Texas is the only state to get so many signatures on a petition, in so short a time, so as to seriously petition the White House with such a plan].

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

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