Saturday, February 23, 2013

Are Her Reservations About Sex, Or Something More?

Dear Tazi:

I was reading in [a tabloid magazine] that this season's bachelor on The Bachelor is a born-again virgin, and plans on saving himself for marriage. Comments about a sexless engagement hit home because I am engaged to a man who is a born-again Christian and he does not believe we should have sex before we are married.

"Bob" is a born-again virgin, as well, not a full-fledged virgin, so he has had sex - just not in a really long time. I am afraid that I am making a mistake in marrying a man I haven't slept with; I am not afraid that he will be bad in bed (well, maybe a little), but I am afraid that we will be sexually incompatible. Unlike the women on TV, I am wholeheartedly committed to marrying my fiancé. I think. I love Bob in every way a woman could possibly love a man - except that one important one, since I have not been given the chance. 

I have not told any of my friends about Bob's desire to wait until marriage and my decision to go along with it; I would positively die if any of my friends found out and I am not comfortable talking this issue over with my mother, who is extremely old-fashioned and would not understand why there is a problem at all. Tazi, do you think Ia m worried over nothing? Or are my concerns valid?

The White Wedding Approacheth...

Dear The White Wedding Approacheth:

Are you certain that you don't have cold feet about marrying Bob, and are using your sexless engagement as an excuse to back out of your upcoming nuptials? I am going to suggest that - just for a moment - you remove sex from the equation. Are you happy with Bob? Can you see yourself building a life with Bob? Can you see yourself spending your life with a man like Bob? Do his religious views color other areas of his life (as is wont of those who are born again)? Can you live in a marriage with the rules set down by Bob's religion? If you cannot give an honest "yes" to all of the above questions, your hesitancy to take marriage vows with Bob may not be due your fear of what to expect in the bedroom.

If you have not already done so, I suggest that you and Bob attend some premarital counseling classes. Such classes are usually offered through the Church, but a community center in your area may offer them as well.These classes will focus on answering many of the questions that couples fail to ask or take seriously until after they have put a stress on the marriage. Once completed, you should have a clearer head about what is bothering you about Bob - and if it really is a fear of boudoir boredom. 

As the pet of a responsible human, I was neutered before I reached sexual maturity, but if what the women's magazines I see laying around the house say is true, having sex after a period of abstinence is like hopping back on a bicycle after the winter thaw - you don't forget how to do it right just because it has been a while since you did it!


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

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