Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Military Husband Worries Wife Is Keeping Warm In The Desert

Dear Tazi:

My wife is stationed overseas in Afghanistan, and I am living here stateside. We Skype as often as possible, and send email when we cannot talk over Skype or on the phone, so I am in communication with her every day or at least every other day. I know that my wife loves me and would never cheat on me, but I can't help feeling jealous and wondering if the men she works with are coming on to her, in spite of the fact that she tells me they are not. I mean, of course she is going to say that, right?

The stress of her absence, plus the stress of not knowing what is going on over there has put me in a foul mood and made me argumentative when we talk. I am afraid that while my bed is cold she is keeping warm - and not from the desert heat! She has told me that she needs to concentrate on her mission, not our marriage and my "unfounded worries", in order to increase her chances of returning safely home to our marriage and to make sure that the men and women in her charge have an equal opportunity to do the same. I am guessing this was her way of telling me to cut the [expletive deleted] and trust that she is being faithful to both me and her mission, but I am having a hard time accepting this. I know that I have been tempted on occasion (but have not strayed), so I know she must be, too, right?

Army Husband

Dear Army Husband:

Wrong and wrong, to both of the questions you have asked me. Your wife is living and working in a war zone, not a singles bar. I can also infer that she holds rank, which means she is the officer in charge and is respected as such. From what I know about the military, it does not matter if an officer is a man or a woman; they are an officer, and to make a play for them would be insubordination and could result in disciplinary action. Trust your wife when she says that the men serving with her are not hitting on her, and give the soldiers with whom she serves a little more credit than you currently are. Many of them have wives and partners back home that they are missing just as much as you miss your wife.

Would you be dumb enough to disrespect this?
Photo: Brigadier Nicky Moffat, British Army

Furthermore, just because you have had the desire to stray does not mean your wife has been tempted in the same way. While you are safe and sound on U.S. soil and taking in the scenes at the bar, bowling alley, or wherever it was you were when "tempted" your wife is in a war zone! She does not have the time to take her mind off of her mission. Again, I suggest that you trust her...or are you looking for a reason to justify straying yourself?

As a military spouse, you are entitled to certain benefits, including mental health counseling. I suggest you try it to help you deal with your jealousy and insecurity and allow your wife to once again start looking forward to your Skype calls, phone calls, and emails. Your situation is a stressful one, and you have my sympathies, but please do not take your aggravations out on your wife. Right now she needs your support, not your grief.


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

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