Thursday, June 13, 2013

Big Difference In Being 'Round The Way And 'Round The Block!

Dear Tazi:

Why is it every guy I date expects me to have sex with him on the first date? I am not exaggerating, every guy I agree to go out with expects me to go "all the way" with him. While I am comfortable with reaching third base, I will not sleep with a man on a first date. I have my standards!

Why can't guys just let a relationship develop at its natural pace? Why must they insist on pushing things? And on the rare occasion I do give in, because I really like the guy, I never hear from him again and end up feeling used! Am I the one with the problem for expecting too much out of men?

Betty In Boston

Dear Betty In Boston:

I am going to be blunt, since it seems that this is what you need to hear (even though it might not be what you want to hear): Yes, you are the one with the problem; you are expecting too much - out of the men you are leading on, and out of your own behavior. There are plenty of men out there who are not seeking a physical relationship at the onset of a relationship, but at the same time many of these men are not going to turn down a woman who so readily offers herself to them. While you do have standards, some would say they appear to be pretty low. You are not going to attract a man looking for a relationship if he thinks you are a woman who has been around the block a few times! Try to be more of a 'round the way woman and see where it gets you.

Yeah, she chill!

The word "no" means no. It does not sometimes mean yes; it means NO. You need to start practicing saying this, and you need to be straightforward with your dates before anything turns physical. You could say something like, "Look, I don't have sex on a first date; no matter how far things go tonight they aren't going to go there, understand?" Unfortunately, this may have the unwanted side-effect of turning you into a booty call, so you may want to hold off on any physical involvement until an actual relationship seems to be forming; this can take as few as three or four dates or as long as several months. Remember that a relationship worth having is a relationship that is worth the time to go slow. Haven't your friends told you any of this?


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

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