I have a “frenemy” that I would like to cut ties with once and for all. I am sick and tired of the drama, the gossip and the talking behind my back, and one-upmanship. I know if I just completely blow her off she will start talking about me behind my back (she has done it to others) and I don’t want that, but if I tell her off I will just be creating more drama; she thrives on that.
I have known this woman for years – since we were kids – so disentangling myself from her will not be easy. My husband and I are trying to conceive our first child, and “Caitlyn” is stressing me to the point where I am starting to think she is the reason I cannot conceive. Of course I cannot tell her that she is stressing me and to please give me some space because, again, that would just be too much drama for her to pass up. Plus the news that my husband and I are having trouble conceiving would be broadcast all over town. How should I handle this difficult, delicate situation?
Over It All
Dear Over It All:
“Frenemies” (friends who are also so competitive they are also enemies) are not good for anyone’s psyche, so I can see why this woman’s mere presence is enough to stress you out; I do not think Caitlyn is stressing you into infertility, though. If she is then you are giving her way too much control over your emotions and your life.
The next time Caitlyn contacts you with some kind of gossip, drama, or talk about someone you know, tell her that you do not have time to talk to her right now and that you will call her back at a more convenient time. When that time is can be entirely up to you. If Caitlyn calls you back, give her your pat response until she gets the message and stops calling you to gossip or brag. Should she start talking about you to others, tell those who report such news to you that you don’t care to hear it, that you don’t need the stress.
While you are attempting this exercise, you may also want to expand your circle of friends. There are many websites that have been created to help women seeking new friends find each other - Girlfriend Social and Social Jane are a few reputable ones. Sites such as these help people with similar interests and hobbies find each other; these are not the same as personals sites where people are looking for romance, but sites where people can meet their new BFF.
Once you have managed to reduce your stress levels – overall, and not just the stress caused by Caitlyn’s antics – you may find it easier to conceive; if not, you should talk to your gynecologist. Once you have your hands full with a pregnancy and the eventual little one that results, you can always tell Caitlyn that you are exceedingly busy with your child – which will be the truth – and are sorry that you are not able to maintain the ties the two of you once had (which may be a white lie, or you may discover that you do miss your old friend).
Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.