Monday, August 12, 2013

Young Offender Discovers Karma Comes In Spades

Dear Tazi:

I am nineteen and have spent the last three years saving to buy my own truck. It’s not new but it’s new to me and I work to keep it in good shape. As a practical joke some of my friends and I have been emptying the lobster pots of this mean old man who lives near us. Sometimes we take the lobsters out of the pots and set them free, other times we take the entire pot. There are never many lobsters in there, so it’s not like we are stealing this guy’s entire paycheck – just giving him a little payback for all the hard times he gave us when we were kids.

Last week, my truck died in the middle of the road and the old man came out of nowhere to ask if he could help us. This guy never helped anyone unless there was something in it for him, so I was pretty sure he did something to my truck. I got towed to the mechanic who told me someone had thrown sand in my gas tank. I am pretty sure it was this old man, so I asked him about it. All he did was stare at me before finally saying, “Someone’s been stealing my lobsters. Maybe it’s the same guy that did in your engine?”

Tazi, it’s going to cost me $2,000 to have my engine fixed! I want to file a police report and have the cops question the old man, but I am afraid he will retaliate by having the cops investigate me. I am dying to show this old man who’s boss, but all of my friends are backing down, saying that the joke has gone too far and to just let it slide. How could they not stand by me? I thought they were my friends. Do you think I should just approach the old man myself about getting the money for my engine? There is no way the price of the few dozen or so lobsters my friends and I took or freed come anywhere near the price I am paying for my engine.

No Name, No State

Dear No Name, No State:

Your signature tells me that you know what you were doing was illegal and that you are afraid of being turned into the police. Something also tells me that you are not being entirely truthful about the number of lobsters you “freed” or about the cost to the “old man”; for all you know he is selling them for a living and you have cost him the food he would put on his table.

The evidence you have against the “old man” is anecdotal, meaning you have nothing to go by but your own suspicions about his presence in your time of need. He may very well have put sand in your gas tank because he suspected you were stealing his livelihood, or he may have simply suspected you of stealing his livelihood and wanted to talk to you about it or check the bed of your truck at a time where you could not drive off on him.

I suggest that you cut the garbage and grow up! Whether it was the “old man” or just plain old karma that got to your truck while you were not looking, consider it an expensive lesson in how to act like an adult. If you push it, you might find that you are the one being investigated by the police…unless you were smart enough not to leave your fingerprints all over the “old man’s” lobster pots.


(That’s right, no snuggles for you!).

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

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