Thursday, September 26, 2013

Virgin Shares Her Bed But Not Her Body, Much To Mother's Disbelief

Dear Tazi:

I was raised devoutly Christian and remain so as an adult. I have been blessed to meet a man who respects my beliefs, although he does not share all of them. “Manuel” and I have been dating for three years now, and due to financial difficulties we have decided to move in together. I think this is the right move for our relationship, because we would like to get married someday and I would like to make sure we are compatible as living-mates, as we are as live-mates.

Although we are renting a one-bedroom apartment, Manuel and I are not having sex. I am a virgin and am saving myself for marriage. Manuel respects me, although he admits it is frustrating to sleep in the same bed with me and not be able to consummate our relationship. I have taken to wearing long cotton and flannel night gowns to ease his tensions. My problem is my mother.
Mom does not believe that Manuel and I are maintaining our chastity. She has condemned me for “living in sin” and has told me she will not come to my wedding if I do not “rectify this abomination immediately”. I don’t think she would actually skip my wedding – my brother lived with his girlfriend and was having sex with her (I know because she was three months pregnant by the time their long-planned wedding date rolled around) and Mom still came to his wedding, even after threatening to disown him and calling his wife every name in the Book.

My problem isn’t my fear of losing my relationship with my Mom; it’s her belief that I have turned away from the teachings of my church and her belief that I am lying to her. How can I convince her that I am still the good girl she raised, and will remain that way until my wedding night?

Saving Myself

Dear Saving Myself:

One of the downers of being an adult is needing to take responsibility for your actions. Another downer is cutting the apron strings when you would rather keep them firmly tied in place of the umbilical cord that once kept you attached to your mother. Your mother has accused you of lying; you know you are not. Why do you feel the need to prove to her that you are telling the truth when there is no way – short of a gynecological exam – to prove to her you are still her “good girl”? If your mother cannot take you at your word, this is her problem; you should not be making it yours.

I suggest you meet your Mom for coffee or for lunch or whatever you feel comfortable doing as you broach this subject with her. Tell your mother that you are disappointed with her. Explain that she raised you in faith, and that you continue to follow that faith; her accusations against you are hurtful and untrue. Tell her what you have told me: that you want to make sure that you and Manuel are as compatible as living-mates as you are as life-mates, and that living together not only accomplishes this end but also helps to save money, which you can put towards the wedding you hope to one day have.

One a somewhat related note, for the sake of Manuel’s mental health, your mother’s concerns, and general appearances, you might want to give up the double bed and invest in a set of twin beds (your mother may even want to assist with the cost). This compromise is not ideal, but compromises rarely are.


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with Bachelors degrees in Communications and in Gender and Women's Studies. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

No comments:

Post a Comment