Thursday, October 10, 2013

Missing Lingerie Makes Woman Question Husband's Poker Buddies

Dear Tazi:

I am more than mildly disgusted with my husband right now and totally freaked out by one of his poker buddies. I’ll explain, but it is giving me the heebie-jeebies!

My husband, “Carl”, hosts a poker night on a rotating schedule with his buddies, which means once or twice a month he has the guys over for a game. I had started to notice on the laundry days after his poker games that my panties have not been in the wash. At first I thought it was odd that a single pair seemed to be missing, then more pairs went missing; this last time my favorite pair of silk and lace bottoms disappeared, and I knew something had to be happening! I thought back, and that is when I made the connection to my husband’s poker games and my missing lingerie.

I told Carl about my problem, and my suspicion that one of his poker buddies is stealing my drawers, and he laughed and told me they were probably stuck in the heat vent of the dryer and he would check for me before a fire started. Upset that my husband chose his buddies over me, I emptied the laundry hamper before his last poker game and left a single pair of my panties in there. I showed this to carl and bet him that they would be gone by the end of the night. I then monitored the bathroom, and checked the hamper after his buddies used it; sure enough, my panties were gone after on guy – a creep named “Jared” – used it.

When I informed Carl about what happened I asked him to confront Jared about why he is thieving my panties. Carl was upset, but said it would be “too awkward” to ask that of Jared and suggested that from now on I remove all of my panties before his poker games. Well, duh! That is my plan! Personally, I do not want Jared in my house but my husband says he is an important friend (my husband is a V.P. of Sales and Jared is a local business owner with a lot of connections). I plan of emptying the hamper and locking up my lingerie before leaving the house on Carl’s poker nights from here on, but my question is: What is Jared doing with my lingerie? Carl was visibly upset over the thought of Jared having sexual thoughts about me, but would rather believe that it is all just an innocent misunderstanding. Do you have any ideas what Jared might be doing, so we can ask him point-blank and get over the awkwardness?

Losing My Shorts At Poker

Dear Losing My Shorts At Poker:

I puzzled over your letter for a bit and came up with a few ideas. You refer to your underwear as “panties” and “Lingerie”, commenting that your favorite pair is “silk and lace”; this tells me that you are not wearing granny panties or even cotton hipsters, but the sexy stuff! You also say that Jared is a local businessman, and that only your dirty laundry is going missing. As creepy as this sounds, could it be that Jared is selling your panties to the highest bidder?

Has Molly Ringwald ever lived this down?

If you look online you will be amazed at what people areselling in the sexual underground; women’s unwashed panties can fetch a high price – and the sexier they are, the more they are worth. The simple, non-sexual answer could be that Jared has started a business selling your unmentionables.

There are of course other possibilities, but I tend to think they would be rather far-fetched; if Jared is a cross-dresser he would prefer to buy his own stuff rather than pilfer from a friend’s wife; if he was in love with you it would show in other ways; and if he was just looking to be kinky other women would have noticed their undies – and maybe their bras and teddies – going missing, too.

If you want to confront Jared, do it bluntly but don’t let him know that your husband is aware of what is happening; let him save face among his friends. Tell him you know that he has been taking your panties and you would like to know why. If he denies, tell him you caught him and that you are more upset about not knowing why than you are about the theft itself. Ask him point-blank if he has started a side-business selling your stuff, and see how he reacts; it may work as the ice-breaker you need to get Jared to open up about why he finds your dirty laundry so valuable.


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with Bachelors degrees in Communications and in Gender and Women's Studies. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

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