Monday, October 21, 2013

Woman Seeks Guilt-Free Way To Cheat On Her Boyfriend

Dear Tazi:

I have a new co-worker at work and at first I thought he was a real jerk but I have gotten to know him and have discovered that he is actually a nice guy. In fact, he is a very nice guy and I think I am falling for him. I think he might like me, too. The problem is that “Ralph” and I are both in committed relationships. I can’t speak for him, but I know I do not want to give up a solid and certain thing for something that might not work – then I would be left all alone and who wants that?

I am considering asking Ralph if he wants to get together after work for a drink or to watch the game (whatever game is on) or something like that, but even that feels too much like cheating, so I am organizing a karaoke night for me and all of my co-workers; a night to go out after work just us (no partners) so we can blow off some steam at the end of the work week.

Some of my co-workers have complained about not being able to bring a date, while those who are married with kids are looking forward to a night put without their spouses and kids. Ralph is still not certain if he will be going; he says he has to think about it because he would feel badly if he went out and had a good time and left his girlfriend at home alone. I have suggested that she make plans to go out with her friends, but he said it “wasn’t like that” with them. Huh?

I have worked really hard to put this karaoke night together, arranging with the club to have extra staff on to handle the crowd from work and passing the hat to pay for a hot and cold buffet. I have done all of this in the hope of spending some time with Ralph outside of work, and now he might not even come to the karaoke night???? Tazi, can you think of a way to convince Ralph to show up for the party – without his girlfriend? I really need this.

Reevaluating My Relationship

Dear Reevaluating My Relationship:

Just because you are reevaluating does not mean that Ralph is, too. It is possible that he enjoys your company as a friend without having a romantic interest in you; it is also possible that he has a mild romantic interest in you, but nothing so pulsating that he would leave the woman he loves to be with you.  Let Ralph be to make up his own mind about whether to attend your karaoke night and then let the chips fall where they may.

Whether you want to admit it or not, your grand scheme for a karaoke night is nothing more than a guilt-free plan to cheat on your boyfriend. I suggest you remove Ralph from the equation and ask yourself if you actually want to stay with your boyfriend or if you are only with him because you are afraid of being alone. If you truly do love your boyfriend, work on your relationship; if you are only with him because there is no alternate to take his place, you need to make a tough decision – recommit to your relationship with your whole heart or leave; leaving things as-is is not going to work because sooner or later you will give in to the urge to cheat – if not with Ralph than the next attraction that comes along.


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with Bachelors degrees in Communications and in Gender and Women's Studies. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

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