Friday, November 15, 2013

Sister Schedules Cesarean For HIS Birthday! Is He Overreacting?

Dear Tazi:

My birthday has always been special to me, and I know I am being childish...but I can't help it! My birthday is my day to be the center of the universe for 24-hours. I give a lot to others, and it is the one time I am comfortable getting back some of the attention I give.

My sister - who was always the center of attention, regardless of the day or event - is expecting her first child. Due to complications, the doctor has strongly recommended a Cesarean birth and has offered her a few possible days for the procedure, one of which is my birthday. Even though any other day was as good, she chose to give birth on my birthday, thinking it would be "fun" for me to share a birthday with my first-born niece. I do not think this will be "fun" and I think my sister knows this; I think she is using her child to see me overshadowed once again.

Growing up, "Sally" was always given a pass by our parents because she was younger and she was a girl. Being older and a boy, responsibility was always ladled on me. The older I got, the more responsibilities I was given. Sally always got to do what she wanted, which was usually to follow me around and do whatever I was doing. I was never so glad to move away to college, although I have come to value Sally as a sister now that we are both adults. I guess that's why this hurts so much - it's Sally getting to be the center of attention (again) at my expense.

I asked Sally if she would reconsider having her baby on my birthday, that my birthday is the one thing I have for myself and that I don't want people to forget about it in the excitement of the new baby, but she didn't take it well. She was very hurt, and started to cry, saying she couldn't believe I would take out my issues on an innocent little baby. Tazi, I don't think I have issues; I just want to feel like I am coming first...for once. Am I wrong for asking Sally to reschedule?

Always Second

Dear Always Second:

Scheduling a Cesarean birth is not like making an appointment with the hairdresser; it requires several schedules to come together all at once to make sure that everything goes according to plan. For this reason alone I am going to ask you not to ask your sister to reschedule her birth date again. Once was enough!  I will ask you to try and see things from Sally's point of view:

From your letter, it sounds like Sally idolized you when she was growing up, and that there is still quite a bit of love for you. I do not doubt the sincerity of her wish - that her child share a birthday with you because she loves you and wants her child to have that connection to you, not because she is trying to steal your day. Is there room in your heart to share your special day with your first-born niece? Think of the special bond the two of you will have, having been born on the same day! You can be "birthday buddies" as well as Uncle and niece! I should think that this would bring you twice the attention!

Try to remember that the only way people will forget that it is your birthday as well as your niece's is if you let them forget - so do what I do and make a big, fat, hairy deal out of the day!

For a cat, this IS enthusiastic! 

Most important, remember that not everyone you know will know your niece, so there will always be people around to wish you - and you exclusively - a very happy birthday.


P.S. I would like to wish a very happy 5th birthday to a very special girl who was born on my Mommie's half-birthday (that's today): HAPPY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY A.G.T.!

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with Bachelors degrees in Communications and in Gender and Women's Studies. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

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