Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Teenage Son Of A Wayward Mom Needs A Way Out

Dear Tazi:

I am 15 years old and the byproduct of a one-night-stand that my mom had. I have a younger brother and his Dad was a boyfriend of my Mom’s in the loosest of terms. I think “friend with benefits” would be a better description.

I remember how when I was little my Mom would always bring guys home to sleep over. I was supposed to call them “uncle” but I never did. I remember once when I was seven or eight a woman called the house and left a message on the answering machine calling my Mom a “whore”. I never did find out who that woman was, but I did learn the meaning of the word whore and had to admit that my Mom fit the description. She was always accepting expensive presents from these guys. My grandparents never defended my Mom when people looked down on her or talked bad about her and I am afraid it is because everything people were saying was true.

I started high school this year, and there are kids from other middle schools than my old one so I am meeting a lot of new people. One of the kids I go to school with is a very pretty, popular girl that everyone likes. I’ll call her “Kris”. When her Mom came to pick her up from school the other day she saw me with my Mom and recognized Mom from a long time ago when I was just a kid. I guess Kris’ Mom told her a few stories about my Mom because today there was a stupid fight in the cafeteria.  I asked Kris to a school dance, not realizing that she had a boyfriend. He overheard me asking and before she could answer he told me to “go f—k [my] mother, that every other guy in the county has so why not me?”

The insult really hurt because I know the guy was exaggerating but I didn't know what to say. Mom still brings guys home every weekend (I now stay at my grandparents’ house on weekends because of it). I want to tell my Mom that she is embarrassing me and that I am worried about her but I don’t know how. I also want to protect my little brother from the things that I am hearing and he might when he gets a little older. I love my Mom but I don’t like the way she lives her life. I am hoping people will just forget what they have heard. Do you think they will?

Son Of A W____

Dear Son Of A W____:

First, you need to wash your mouth out with lye soap for referring to your mother by that nasty word (which I have censored!)! What she is in the eyes of others does not change the fact that she is the woman who gave birth to you! She is your mother and you will respect her! Do you understand? Like Bill Cosby says, "I brought you into this world and I can take you out!"

Now available on T-shirts!

Now, I sincerely doubt your mother is going to change her habits at this late date, so I am going to suggest that you do your best to distance yourself from them. Ask your grandparents if you can have a key to their house so you can come over as needed, when needed, in order to feel safe and comfortable. Make sure your mother has some form of personal protection in case one of her “dates” turns violent (I recommend pepper spray by the bedside and 9-1-1 on speed dial); tell her point-blankly that you are worried about her safety and that her behavior is starting to affect the way people are treating you.

If someone makes a rude comment about your mother, look the person squarely in the eye and say “I didn't realize your Mom was the Virgin Mary!” then walk away. The more emotional you get when you react the more people are going to try and get a reaction out of you. In high school, everyone is trying to fit in and someone is always standing out so sooner or later this, too, shall blow over and someone else will be the headline of the week.

If you can, enlist the services of your school guidance counselor or another trusted adult who has been trained to deal with the difficult logistics of this situation. Your mother’s behavior is abusively unstable – to herself, and to you and your younger brother. You should not have to flee to your grandparents’ house every weekend in order to avoid running into your mother’s latest bed-partner. Hopefully, an intervention will open your mother’s eyes to all that is happening around her.


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with Bachelors degrees in Communications and in Gender and Women's Studies. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

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