Saturday, December 7, 2013

"Environmentalist" Husband Goes Too Far For Wife's Bathroom Comfort

Dear Tazi:

My wife and I are having a disagreement about a very important issue - toilet paper. Not over which way it should hang, but the use of it in general. I will admit that I am frugal, but I am also an environmentalist and I have a problem with the idea of killing trees to wipe one's bottom. I figure that we use washable/reusable cloth diapers for babies and came up with a similar idea for adults: reusable toilet cloths.

I was at the hardware store and I noticed that they sell reusable rags at a very low price - 12 for $1! The rags are large and absorbent, so when doing #2 you could easily finish the job with only one rag or two, as opposed to several sheets of toilet paper that will just be flushed down the drain and into the environment. Once soiled, the rags could be thrown into an diaper genie, sans the plastic bags, and laundered at the end of the week! As for #1, men don't have to wipe themselves and women only need blot before tossing the rag into a laundry hamper. Urine is sterile, so this should not pose a problem. My wife thinks differently.

"Julia": has absolutely refused to sign onto the idea of environmentally-friendly toilet paper. I think this is unfair, since she uses more toilet paper than me (because she uses it for #1 and #2) and I earn the larger paycheck between the two of us; therefore, more of my earnings are going towards toilet paper. However, it is like I said - it is not about the money; it is about the environment!

I think my idea could really catch on, once we start it! I have even offered to launder the toilet cloths for Julia, since the ick factor seems to be what bothers her. I think once our friends and family see what we are doing they will want in on it, too, just like they did when they saw my low-flow toilet and shower head all those years ago! I tried bringing home some cloths and a diaper genie, but Julia locked herself in the bathroom and refused to come out until I returned them. Is there any way to get my wife to see the reasonableness of my plan? It really is what's best for the environment!

Frugal Environmentalist

Dear Frugal Environmentalist:

I have often joked about someone being so cheap that they recycle toilet paper, but never actually knew people like you existed. You say three times that you are only thinking of the environment and not your wallet...who are you trying to convince - me or you? Because it appears that your wife certainly is not convinced!

While we are on the subject of the environment, let me settle your hash here and now: after it leaves the body urine ceases to be sterile! It contains urea, which is made up of carbon dioxide, ammonia, and other pollutants that the body seeks to excrete. Why would you want to leave urine soaked rags in your bathroom, exposed to the air? Furthermore, I don't care how much bleach you use to launder your feces-smeared rags; I cannot imagine putting a load of clothes into the same washing machine as the one used to launder these "toilet cloths"

If you are seeking an environmentally-friendly way to take care of bathroom business, I suggest you buy environmentally-friendly toilet paper. There are several brands that are carried by local and national retailers that are quite affordable, too.

I have no idea where to buy this; I just love the name!

In the future, I suggest you discuss such matters with your wife before unilaterally deciding to make such drastic changes to your home. Might I suggest - since you insist that it really is all about the environment - you look into installing a composting toilet? It would allow you to reduce your carbon footprint by giving back to Mother Nature every time you "go"!


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with Bachelors degrees in Communications and in Gender and Women's Studies. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

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