Monday, December 23, 2013

How Long Should You Be Dating Before Exchanging Christmas Gifts?

Dear Tazi:

I have been dating a guy since September and am quite upset with him. When I asked "Alexander" what he wanted for Christmas he told me that he did not want to exchange Christmas gifts this year; he felt it was "too soon to be that serious" about each other. How serious does one have to be to exchange Christmas gifts? Ours is an intimate relationship, and as far as I know we are not seeing other people, so how much more serious does he want to get before we exchange gifts?

I waited until after Thanksgiving to ask him a second time what he would like for Christmas, and he responded that he already told me it was "too soon" in our relationship to exchange Christmas gifts. I asked him why he felt that way, and he told me that exchanging gifts of any kind is a sign of deep commitment; that if you end up breaking up you don't want to have a bunch of mementos around that will remind you of that person. When I took this to mean he planned on breaking up with me after the holidays, Alexander told me I was overreacting; that he does not plan on breaking up with me but that he does not know what the future holds.

I feel like Alexander is sending me mixed messages. Meanwhile, all of my friends are talking about what they are getting their boyfriends for Christmas and asking me what I will be getting Alexander. So far, I have just shrugged and said "I don't know"; told them it's a secret; and pretended to be putting things off until the last minute. Should I buy Alexander something for Christmas anyway, so I can at least be honest with my friends when they ask me what I got him for Christmas? But then how do I respond when they ask me what Alexander got me without making him look like a complete jerk?

Running Out Of Time!

Dear Running Out Of Time:

You could be honest with your friends by explaining to them that you and Alexander have decided not to exchange Christmas gifts this year, since your relationship is still in the early stages. You say that your relationship is "an intimate one" and I presume you mean physically intimate, but do you also have an emotionally intimate relationship? Has he introduced you to his friends as his "girlfriend" or simply as "a friend" or has he not introduced you to them at all? Do you know Alexander's favorite color, brand of cologne/after-shave, and what his favorite food is? Can you read his moods and know what triggers them? Do you know what turns him on outside of the bedroom? If you know none of this, how could you possibly buy him a gift that has special meaning between the two of you? Or were you planning on buying him a CD or Blu-Ray? (In which case you will need to know his musical and movie tastes).

It is possible that Alexander was deeply hurt in  the past and had to purge his life of painful physical reminders of that relationship. (I know many a woman who has made a trip to the local gold and silver buyer to rid herself of jewelry from boyfriends past!). Rather than disrespect Alexander's wishes, why not give him a creative homemade gift? Cookies, brownies, or other baked goods are always a delicious way to show you care! You could also write him a sentimental message inside a Christmas card (just don't go overboard) or offer to take him out for Chinese food on Christmas Eve to celebrate your "non-Christmas" celebration.


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with Bachelors degrees in Communications and in Gender and Women's Studies. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

No comments:

Post a Comment