Saturday, December 21, 2013

Husband Wants "Booty Drawers" For Christmas

Dear Tazi:

Why is it okay for women to shop at places like Fredrick's of Hollywood, but when guys want to buy something from their men's line women immediately think they are gay or looking to cheat?

This year past, I went on a reduced-carb diet and took up CrossFit training. I lost over 70 pounds and went from paunchy to fly. To celebrate my new look, I asked my wife to buy me some booty-drawers style underwear that hug my frame. You know what I mean, right? Here's a link to a pair I have in mind:

Photo courtesy of the writer

My wife gave me a funny look and asked me why I would want to wear "gay man's underwear". I told her that booty drawers aren't just for gay men; that they are for hot men everywhere, and now that I had the look I wanted to show it off for her. She told me she was fine with my regular boxer briefs that she buys for me at Walmart and that if I need new underwear she will pick some up for me on her next trip. Tazi, my ego was crushed.

I let the matter slide, but when my wife came home with underwear from Walmart today I again told her that I wanted some booty drawers, and that maybe "Santa" could bring me some. I tried telling her that if he did, she would be getting something in return. Her eyes brightened and she said, "that pasta pot from Williams-Sonoma?" She was serious.

I reminded my wife that I don't eat pasta, and she got very upset, asking me if I am looking to have an affair since I seem so eager to show off my new form. I told her I want to show it off for her, but she didn't seem convinced. Tazi, I want to be the guy who gets the appreciative stares when he walks down the street. I want my wife to want everyone to give her jealous looks because I am with her! Booty drawers will show off my gluteal definition like boxer briefs just can't. Why can't she understand this? I think it's because she has always looked hot, but when I try to tell her that she tells me that flattery will not work on her. What will?

No Longer Fat

Dear No Longer Fat:

Is your wife talking about the 8-quart multi-purpose pot with draining insert? I can see why her eyes brightened over the idea of receiving this!!

Chef's porn...

While your desire for "booty drawers" is bound to raise some eyebrows, your reasoning behind it is understandable. Whereas you have lost weight, it seems you have yet to find your self-esteem. I am not sure it exists in a pair of booty drawers. Are you sure that looking good for your wife is all you want? What if you do not get the reaction you crave from her? Would you be able to resist those appreciative glances that are thrown your way when she is not by your side?

I am not of the mind that one partner should have veto power over what the other partner wears in public, but I do not believe that a partner should have to buy something that they do not want the other partner to wear. If you want to wear booty drawers, you should go out and buy yourself some booty drawers. However, don't be surprised if your wife is upset that you spent all sorts of money on something nobody but she (and the guys in the gym locker room) are going to see!

I think that you and your wife should have a talk about the reasons behind your desire to show off your behind. Has it occurred to you that your wife has always thought you were "fly"? Have you thought that maybe she does not want other women throwing appreciative glances at her man - especially in her presence? While it is nice to know that others find you attractive, it is disrespectful to your partner for others to express that appreciation in front of her. I am not suggesting you wear a niqab or a burka in public; just that you exercise a little discretion and not advertise in the front window what is not for sale in the store!

 A few sessions with a health and fitness counselor may be able to help you adjust to the new feelings you are having about your looks and how to handle them in such a way that does not upset those you love.


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with Bachelors degrees in Communications and in Gender and Women's Studies. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

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