Wednesday, December 25, 2013

Tazi's 2013 Christmas Newsletter

Dear Readers,

A Merry Christmas to all who celebrate!

I have discovered that it is the time of year that Christmas newsletters fill the mailbox (I have even received a few in my mailbox, from those who know my home address, and my email, from those who do not. I thank all of you who thought of me!). I hate feeling left out of your human traditions, so I have decided to write my own Christmas newsletter and share it with you here! My Editor decided that we should take a vacation this month, so this is a little later than most, but not too late! Today is Christmas Day!

I have absolutely no plans of giving you a year in ordered review, so jump in and jump around with...

free logo -

Holiday Greetings to One and All!

It has been a busy year here at the Tazi-Kat household! For starters, my Mommie graduated summa cum laude from the University of Rhode Island this past summer! You would think that would give her more time to spend with me, but no...she decided to take a few more classes - an American History class "for fun" and a Sociology class because she may need it for a graduate school program, so she thought it best to get it out of the way now. Is this woman sick? She seriously needs a full time job to keep her busy! (Not to mention, the extra treat money would be nice!).

Soon, very soon, this pig will be full of treat money for ME!!!!!

In other big news, this was the year that I figured out that the front door to the house also leads outside! The humans always thought I was afraid of that door, but the truth is I just couldn't figure out where it led - everything looks so different from this view - starting with the lack of a fence to keep me inside!

You will NEVER get me back inside this fence! Never, I say!
We had a terrible winter here in Southern New England! Winter Storm Nemo dumped three feet of snow on my  yard, over which I was quite angry; I learned the hard way that snow, unlike the ground beneath it, is not solid. Since the white stuff was too deep for me to move my legs, I had to be rescued by the humans; they made me spend the rest of the winter indoors, deprived of squirrels to chase! Now that winter is here again and the dreaded white stuff is on the ground I will be looking for a pair of kitty-sized snow-shoes. Does anyone know where I can buy some?

No laughing at my humiliation, please!

Speaking on Nemo, my dear friend Nemo Kat passed on just a few weeks ago at the age of 19 1/2. He leaves his sister Pookie Kat and his human, Miss Maya. While on the topic of pet passages, my little sister, Miss Jingles the mouse, died at the ripe old age of 21 months. Considering that feeder mice generally do not live more than a year (even if they are not fed to the snakes) I'd say she had a good, long life! My stress levels are down now that I do not have to share my Mommie's attention with the little critter, but I do miss her. I am considering getting a kitten to replace her. Donations in memory of both Nemo and Miss Jingles can be made to For the Love of Alex Inc. or to your local animal shelter, please. 

In happier news, the vet told me I have lost a pound since my last visit! Mommie says this does not mean I can eat more snax in search of that pound. I am told that I have to send two more pounds in search of the one I lost. I hate dieting. It makes me cranky and a bit delusional, I think...I am seriously considering getting a kitten! I turned 10 this summer, and believe I am ready to parent a young feline. Let's see what 2014 brings!

Then again, I can see this not working out too well!

In other news, the Mommie person continues to be neglectful of my litter boxes, only cleaning them every other day. My five food bowls could stand a little more attention…which reminds me, my regular brand of cat-food was reformulated this year! At first I was offended! The bag said "new and improved", which meant I have been eating old and inferior for quite some time now, but then I tried the new formula and I think they got it wrong. Friskies, please bring back the Griller's Blend Original!  This tender and crunchy stuff is for the birds! I have discovered the joy of "Rise 'n' Shine/Sunny With a Chance of Awesome"; so much so that I am now refusing to eat any of my leftover Griller's Blend. Mommie says we will donate it to a feral colony. She is so generous with my food!

I continue to learn how to understand Spanish, although I cannot speak it very well, unless I am discussing feline matters, especially matters pertaining to how handsome I am! I never tire of hearing people tell me that I am "guapo"! As I have said in the past, I think more humans should learn how to speak “cat-ese”. You already meow at us; you could at least learn the meaning of what you are saying! You would be surprised...

Well, that is all the excitement that is going on here! There is no Hubs to be promoted to partner in the law firm; no Biff the achieve straight-A’s at Harvard; no Muffy to be voted Student Government President or Head Cheerleader…the furthest that I travel is next door, to visit Bentley the Chihuahua so I have no details of exotic trips to bore you with or make you envious.  I do not play bridge, Bunco, or hang out at the cluuuuuuub, and I don’t think you would like to hear me brag about how large my last hairball was, so it looks like I will end this letter here! If you were expecting something like the Christmas Jammies video, I am sorry to a cat, I have far too much self-respect to humiliate myself like that!

I wish you all a happy and healthy holiday, and a wonderful New Year!  May all of your dreams come true!


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with Bachelors degrees in Communications and in Gender and Women's Studies. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

No comments:

Post a Comment