Friday, December 6, 2013

Teenage Girlfriend Upset Over Infidelity - But Is Boyfriend Or Best Friend To Blame?

Dear Tazi:

I am a high school junior and the girl I thought of as my best friend has been [having a romantic fling with] my boyfriend! How could she do this to me? I trusted her around him and this is how she repays me? Some friend, huh?

It happened at a party that I was supposed to go to but didn't because I was sick. I asked "Mariella" to keep my boyfriend company and did she ever! My boyfriend told me that she must have spiked his drink because he felt all stupid and had no idea where he was or what was going on and the next thing he knew he was [having sex with] Mariella. I have obviously forgiven my boyfriend, but I never want to speak to Mariella again - especially since she is claiming that things happened the other way around - that my boyfriend spiked her drink! She even tried filing a police report against him, but the police said there was a lack of evidence to pursue to case! Can you believe her?

I am thinking of starting a rumor that Mariella has a disease "down there", but I am afraid people will think that she got it from my boyfriend or that she gave it to my boyfriend and that now I have it. I have tried looking online for something really crushing to her - like maybe HPV - but the only way I would know that she had that is if I saw it (ewww) or if she gave it to my boyfriend and I saw it on him (no way!). I know you are going to tell me to forgive her and forget it, but this is my boyfriend we are talking about!


Dear Disrespected:

I have read through your letter three times, and I am not sure what you are asking me. Are you asking a question or did you just write to me to vent? You are right that I am going to tell you to forgive Mariella, but I will not tell you to forget. Instead, I am going to ask you to listen - to her side of the story, and to what any impartial observers might have to say.

Why are you so quick to defend your boyfriend over your best friend? What kind of hold does this man have over you that you are willing to put your blind faith in him - even after your best friend went to the police and tried to have him charged with raping her? Are you certain that you are reacting as you are out of love for your boyfriend and not out of shame of the idea of him cheating on you?

As you have figured out, you cannot start a rumor about someone without the effects of it rubbing off on you, so I suggest that you drop that idea as quickly as you thought of it.

Although HPV can infect other parts of the body...
 I also suggest you talk to your school guidance counselor about the anger inside of you. You sound like a very hurt and confused young woman, and my heart goes out to you; however, you are going about solving the issue very poorly. A guiding hand from an adult familiar with all involved is your best bet for getting through all of this and moving forward.


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with Bachelors degrees in Communications and in Gender and Women's Studies. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

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