Monday, January 20, 2014

Bragging About Your Ex Is No Way To Impress The Ladies

Dear Tazi:

I have a guy friend who has very little luck with women. I could not understand why "Larry" had no luck until recently, when I set him up with a friend. She told me that all night long all he did was talk about his ex-girlfriends and how much their families loved him and how sad they were to see the two of them break up. He kept talking about how "hot" his ex-girlfriends were, and how he would "make love to them all night long". Quite honestly, I was a little embarrassed to even know the guy, let alone be the one who set them up on a date!

When Larry called my friend for a second date she politely refused, which resulted in Larry calling me to see if I knew anything. I tried to dodge the question by asking him how the first date went, and he told me everything went fine which is why he is surprised my friend turned him down for a second date. I asked Larry what they talked about on their date, and he told me he did spend a lot of time "selling" himself on her, and suggested that maybe he talked a little too much about himself in his attempt to impress her. He then asked me to ask my friend to give him another chance.

I explained to my friend that Larry was just nervous and he was trying to sell himself on her and to please give him a second chance because he really is a nice guy. My friend relented, and things went okay for the first part of the date - dinner and an early movie - but went downhill from there. My friend lives with her parents (she is a little younger than me and in college) and Larry insisted on inviting himself in to meet them. He then spent the next hour ingratiating himself on them, much to my friend's embarrassment. When he finally left, my friend saw him to the door where he wrapped his arms around her, passionately kissed her and promised "more where that came from" when they were alone. My friend is polite to a fault and simply said good night without mentioning that she was offended. I only know that she was because she called me to complain and according to Larry she has been ignoring his calls.

I hate being in the middle like this and want out! My friend has asked me to tell Larry that she is too busy with school to date after all, but I feel that lying to Larry is wrong, that he will never learn from his mistakes unless someone tells him - and I don't want that someone to be me.

Stuck In The Middle With You

Dear Stuck In The Middle With You:

My question is, why did you set up two friends with no idea how Larry acts on a date? Surely you have known Larry long enough to know how he acts around women? If not, why would you set him up with a friend? Let this be a lesson in matchmaking - don't do it unless you know both parties well enough to know that no offense will occur.

You do not mention if either Larry or your female friend have asked you to set them up with anyone else, so I am going to suggest that you take this experience as a lesson learned and not try it again unless you know how each person acts on a date. As for what you are currently dealing with - Larry's feelings - as difficult as it may be you owe it to Larry to let him know what is going on with him and your friend (and quite possibly his other dates, as well).

I suggest that you tell Larry that you have something to report to him from your friend, and that it isn't easy for you to say. Use specifics, like how Larry bragged about "making love all night long" to his ex-girlfriends and explain to him that anything to do with an ex-girlfriend is off limits with someone new (at least until she asks about them). Explain to Larry that meeting a woman's parents is a big step in a relationship, and something that should be done after she invites you to meet them, not after you decide to invite yourself into her home. (The exception to this is if the woman is under 18; then it is just good parenting to know who your child is with!).

He should also shave the forehead mustache.
Larry may not take what you have to say very well, so be sure to let him know that you are only telling him so he can work on his presentation. Offer him a few suggestions of what does work, as opposed to simple criticism of what doesn't work. Offer to double-date with him the next time he goes out with someone in order to help steer the evening in the right direction should Larry start to take things in the wrong one. By following your cues, Larry will learn what how to impress a lady.


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with Bachelors degrees in Communications and in Gender and Women's Studies. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

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