Friday, January 31, 2014

Wife Wants To Be A Snowbird But Husband Loves The Snow!

Dear Tazi:

I hate winter and want to move to Southern Florida where the weather is a lot more tolerable. I can deal with bugs, reptiles, and heat a lot better than I can deal with wind, freezing rain, and snowdrifts up to my [butt]. I live in New England where the real estate market is much pricier than in Florida and my husband and I could sell our house and get something equally nice or nicer for half the price. The only problem is that my husband refuses to move. He says he likes the cold and that he has no plans of moving.

"Sal" is a big fan of hockey, skiing, and other winter sports. He can't stand the heat and prefers the cold, saying you can always add a layer but once you are down to bare skin that's it - there's nothing left to take off. He says he is tired of hearing me whine every winter about how cold it is and that if I want to move down south I will have to do it without him. Tazi, how cruel can one man get?

We live on Cape Cod and for the last few winters we have been pummeled with snow. I have finally reached my limit and told Sal that if he wanted me to go [to Florida] without him I would! Sal took this to mean that I wanted a divorce. I told him I wanted to divorce the cold weather, but not him! He is still refusing to move to Florida with me. I don't want to leave my husband, but I can't stand living here any longer. We cannot afford to keep our house here on the Cape and get a second house down in Florida. Well, we could, but it would be tight financially and we'd have to give up a lot of the extra we have come to enjoy and would no longer be able to donate to our granddaughter's college savings plan.

What do you suggest we do? Sal refuses to go down to Florida for the winter months, saying he lives for hockey and skiing in Northern New England. I could go alone and stay with my sister, but then I would be leaving Sal all alone up here. What if he meets someone while I am gone?

Susie Sunshine

Dear Susie Sunshine:

Right now I think the population of about 40 of the 50 U.S. States and a good many of the Canadian provinces are thinking like you and wishing that they could move to the land of eternal sunshine! However, the majority of these people will not do that because they have lives and roots in their current place of residence. Don't you?

As much as you hate the cold, are you willing to trade all you have the remaining nine months of the year to escape it? You mention a granddaughter. Does she live close by? Would you be okay with leaving her (and your grown child) and only see them a few times a year? What about your friends and the rest of your social support system? There is a lot to think about when you consider a move like this.

Including the fact that New England winters are never this idyllic!

While I doubt your husband will meet someone new while you are away and he is cruising down the slopes of Magic Mountain and Sugar Loaf, I do not know his personal history. Has he been unfaithful in the past? Do you think dragging him to a new home where he is miserable will increase the odds of him remaining faithful to you?

Since you truly hate the cold weather, I am going to suggest a compromise. You mention you could stay with your sister if you move to Florida by yourself. Would you be willing to spend a few months with her to escape the worst of the cold weather up North?  You could leave to visit with her after Christmas, which would give you the holiday season with your husband, child(ren), and grandchild and spend the bulk of the cold season down in Florida, coming back at the start of March, when things start to warm up again. Would your sister be amenable to this idea? Your husband could even join you for a visit every two or three weeks, so you can reconnect with each other. I know many couples who, due to work commitments, live in the city and come home to the suburbs for long weekends. Perhaps you and Sal can make some sort of arrangement like this, allowing both of you to enjoy what you enjoy without the other having to suffer through it.


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with Bachelors degrees in Communications and in Gender and Women's Studies. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

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