Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Controlling Fiancé Needs To Go, Not Childhood Memento

Dear Tazi:

I have a favorite stuffed animal that my father won for me at the fair, back when I was a little girl. It’s just a silly, little stuffed bear; but it means the world to me. Daddy won it for me just a few days before he died in a car accident, so “Benson” became a symbol of his love for me. Even though I have long outgrown the need to sleep with stuffies, Benson has a place of honor on my bed.

Benson has followed me wherever I have gone at night, from sleepovers at friends’ houses (they all know how much Benson means to me and why) to my college dormitory, where I discovered other people have their own special mementoes from childhood. Benson is as much a part of me as breathing, and I cannot imagine shoving him aside – he has even gone on business trips with me, sitting on the nightstand next to my bed.

My problem is that I am getting married in a few months, and my fiancé does not like Benson. He says that Benson played an important role in my life, acting as a surrogate in place of the man in my life (my father) but now that he is to be my husband he will be the protective man in my life. He wants me to leave Benson behind after we are married. I am not so sure that I can do that. Benson was never a “surrogate” for my father – no stuffed creature could replace a living human being; but he is an important physical reminder of my father’s love for me. Daddy threw baseballs at a stack of milk jugs until his arm just about fell off, all because he knew how much I wanted that bear! My fiancé can’t understand this, and has threatened to dispose of Benson should he find him anywhere in our marital home. I am not sure what to do; I do not want to put Benson in danger of being destroyed, but I do not want to leave him at my mother’s house, either. What do you suggest, Tazi? Is it time to dump Benson and move on with my life?

Daddy’s Girl

Dear Daddy’s Girl:

No, it is not time to dump Benson and move on with your life (unless he is a real-life Ted); it is time to dump your fiancé and move on with your life. Any man who would be as callous and controlling to threaten to “dispose” of something that has such deep, personal meaning to you has major control issues. Yes, Benson was given to you by another man, but that man was your later father – not an ex-boyfriend!

If you cannot find it in your heart to call off your wedding, I strongly suggest postponing it until the two of you have had several pre-marital counseling sessions which include a clearing of the air on issues like Benson. I hate to be so blunt in matters of the heart, but I see nothing but trouble ahead if you marry this man. I wish I could be more encouraging, but I cannot. I also realize that you will probably not take my advise, unless you were writing because you were looking for someone to confirm the choice you have already made in your heart. I wish you all the best. Please write back and let me and my readers know where life takes you.

Snuggles to you and Benson,

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

No comments:

Post a Comment