Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Healthy Living Is Making Man Wish For A Quick End

Dear Tazi:

My wife is driving me nuts! At my last annual check-up the doctor told me that I am “entering heart attack country”, due to my age, and should watch my diet and exercise. I have always been one to do things in moderation, which is why my wife’s new and excessive behavior is driving me up a wall!

“Bea” has decided that our pantry will now be a fat-free, low-sodium, health zone. The cream for my coffee has been replaced with fat-free, non-dairy creamer; the butter for my toast is now some sort of cholesterol free “spread”; my eggs have been replaced with Egg Beaters®; my salt with Mrs. Dash®; and my Planters® peanuts with soy nuts, which I won’t touch.

Tazi, I have always been one to watch my weight and exercise three times a week. I have never been more than 10 pounds overweight. I drink in moderation. Bea insists that because my father died of a heart attack I am at higher risk of one myself, and therefore must take extra precautions such as the ones she is implementing. I try to remind Bea that my father weighed over 300 pounds; his favorite meal was a double bacon-cheeseburger with extra everything and a side of fries; and the only exercise he ever got was getting up to change the channel on the TV when nobody else was around to do it for him. Bea is deaf to my defense.

Short of getting a note from my doctor telling Bea that my new diet is excessive, can you think of any I can get Bea to see reason? All of this “healthy living” is killing me!

Too Much of A Good Thing

Dear Too Much of A Good Thing:

One thing is obvious, your wife loves you and wants to see you among the living for several years to come; if she didn’t, she would be fixing you double bacon-cheeseburgers with extra everything and a side of fries and changing the TV channel for you every time the remote was lost.

Your mantra of everything in moderation is a good one, if lived by religiously, not just in moderation! Your idea of having your doctor explain to Bea that her intentions are sweet but extreme is a good one. I suggest that you write a list of the changes in diet that Bea has made; review them with her for accuracy and agreement; and take the list to your doctor. Together you can discuss with him/her what changes are necessary; what changes are recommended; and what changes can wait until the future. Once Bea hears it from the doctor that such extreme measures are not necessary she may be inclined to lighten up on the lightening up! If not, you can always hide food around the house!


P.S. The pendulum swings both ways; if the doctor regards Bea’s changes as reasonable and necessary, you will have to abide by your wife’s new diet plan for you.

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

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