Tuesday, June 17, 2014

Reasons For A Break Up Need Not Be Made Public

Dear Tazi:

I was planning on breaking up with my boyfriend and was on the way to his house to go through with it when I was in a terrible car accident. A large SUV went through a red light (the driver was drunk) and my compact car was demolished, along with both of my legs, my left hip, and several ribs. I also sustained a concussion from the impact of the crash. I am healing well from the accident, and doing my best not to be dependent upon anybody. I am lucky to have a wonderful support group made up of family and friends, as well as members of my church. With some intense physical therapy, I should be back to normal within six months.

My problem is my boyfriend – I never did have the chance to break up with him. It has been a month since the accident, and he has been saying things that have a cryptic sound, like “Don’t worry; I would never leave you over this, even if you insisted because you don’t want me to be tied to a cripple for the rest of my life”. Um, for one I am *not* a “cripple”; for two I find that word to be highly offensive; and for three I never expressed fear that he would leave me. In fact, it would make the whole break up a lot less messy.

My best friend, who knew about my break up plans, told me that the accident was a sign that we were meant to be together, but I am not so sure of that. During the three weeks I spent in the hospital, my boyfriend never came to visit me, saying he thought I would be too tired for visitors. I am getting the impression that my injuries are more of a burden to him than he would care to handle and his brave face is all just a façade. I still want to break up with him, but I am afraid that people will think it is because of the accident and fear that my prognosis for recovery is not good. I really do not wish to be the subject of gossip, nor do I wish people to think that my boyfriend is the kind of guy who would leave a woman over physical disability – even though it appears that he may actually be that kind of guy. Should I try to stick things out until I am recovered, and then end things with him, Tazi? Or should I just cut all ties now, as originally planned? I am not worried about him pressuring me for sex or other forms of physical intimacy, due to my injuries, but it is getting difficult to keep up with the emotional part of a relationship that I no longer want to continue.

Not A Cripple

Dear Not A Cripple:

I can understand your desire to go through with your original plan. Your choice of signature speaks volumes, and I think that seeing this previously unseen side of your boyfriend has furthered your desire to “cut all ties” with him.

Since you fear what the gossips will say about a break up so soon after such an incredible physical trauma, you should not broadcast your plan to break up with your boyfriend. Rather, do it quickly and quietly to save face for all involved. Since he has not been at your side during your hospitalization his further absence will not seem out of place. If people question his absence, casually mention that the two of you are no longer a couple and that the timing could not be better, as you need to concentrate all of your efforts on your physical rehabilitation. If someone should be nosy enough to ask for details or comment on the timing of the break up, shut them down by offering the unexciting explanation “the break up was mutual; it was the accident that was poorly timed”.

I wish you all the best in your efforts to rehabilitate your physical self. Over the next few months, I am certain that the gossips you fear will notice your improvement, which should silence their acid tongues lest they look like fools for spreading ugly rumors.


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

No comments:

Post a Comment