I have been in a long-distance relationship with my boyfriend since I moved away from his hometown two years ago. We have had frequent visits back and forth to see each other and we call or Skype daily, but these past several months something has felt “off” between us. Every time I mention this to him, he tells me I shouldn't worry, that he is just stressed over things at work.
I decided to surprise him with an unexpected visit this past weekend, but I was the one who got the surprise – when I found out that he has another woman living with him! It turns out he met her in a bar one night and she was too drunk to drive home and had no money for cab fare (she drank it all up). Since she lived on the other side of town, “Alan” let her crash on his couch – and she’s been there ever since!
Alan insists that there is nothing going on between them, that “Sheila” was out getting drunk that night because her roommate had kicked her out of their apartment. He says he felt bad for her and that she had nowhere to go so he couldn't send her out into the street. He also told me that Sheila is the real reason he has been so stressed lately. He is afraid that she thinks something is eventually going to develop between them, even though he has made it clear to both of us that I am the only woman he loves.
Tazi, should I trust Alan at his word? He has always been honest with me in the past, but we have never had anything this huge come between us. Also, should I tell this woman that she can no longer live on my boyfriend’s couch, since I doubt Alan will tell her himself?
Dear #1 Lady:
It appears that your boyfriend is in a heap of #2, if you catch my meaning! I can imagine your shock and indignation at discovering this lie of omission camping out on your boyfriend’s couch, and believe that your anger is understandable; your boyfriend DID lie to you about the true reason for his stress, but I believe this was a lie born out of fear of how you would react to his soft-heartedness for a woman in need. This, however, does not let him off the hook!
How is it that you have visited your boyfriend over the past several months and not noticed evidence of another woman in the house? Does he spend the week before your visit eradicating all evidence of her presence and then send her out drinking (and in search of someone else’s couch) just prior to your arrival? Or have visits to his place stopped since Sheila moved onto his couch?
I hate to put it so bluntly, but your boyfriend is being a wimp. He has admitted that having another woman in his life is stressing him out to the point where it is affecting his relationship with you, the woman he loves, yet he refuses to take steps to resolve the situation. You and Alan need to sit down and have a serious talk about this disturbing situation.
|Personally, I suggest getting a cat. That should solve your problem in no time!|
As much as you would like to tell Sheila to get OUT of your boyfriend’s apartment and out of his life it is not your place to do this; it is Alan’s, and he must man up and take care of the situation. I suggest he set a date by which time Sheila must leave his house, and tell her that the locks will be changed on that day. If her things are still there they will be packed up and put into a storage area for pick-up. Once Alan explains the reality of the situation to Sheila her bubble that they will one day be together should burst. If Alan refuses to take steps to rid himself of this other woman you will have to decide from there if can live with this or without him.
Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.