Monday, July 7, 2014

Does The Lady Protest Too Much? Or Does She Really Mean "No"?

Dear Tazi:

My wife will be turning 40 in a few months. This morning over breakfast she told me that she "absolutely, positively" does not want a big party to celebrate "this milestone birthday". Quite honestly, Tazi, I was not planning on throwing her a big party. I thought I would take her out to a nice dinner and and dancing at a local jazz club that I know she likes. I was also considering buying her some new charms for her Pandora bracelet, but a party never crossed my mind. I am hopeless at party planning.

When I got to the office I spoke with my assistant about the idea of a party for my wife's birthday, zedsince she is the one I have to handle all of my other event and engagement planning. I told her what my wife said and how I found it peculiar since my wife knows I don't know the first thing about party planning. My assistant told me that my wife was "definitely hinting" that she wanted a large surprise party and that she would get started on planning it right away.

As grateful as I am to my assistant for her eagerness to assist me in this personal matter, I am afraid that my wife really does not want to have a big party, and was letting me know that if I was planning anything to put an end to it before things were too far along to cancel. When I suggested this to my assistant she just shook her head and smiled, and told me that I was a great defense attorney and that I could use my skills in explaining to my wife why I ignored her request for a big party. Am I missing something here, Tazi? I am writing to you in order to maintain my anonymity. If I am being what my assistant calls "a clueless man", I would hate for my colleagues to know.

Future Johnnie Cochran

Dear Future Johnnie Cochran:

Without knowing your wife's temperament or how well your assistant knows her, I cannot say for certain what your wife meant when she said she did not want a party. She may honestly not want a party and is giving you enough time to cancel any plans you have made or, as your assistant thinks, she could be hinting that she wants a huge blow-out event. I will try to guide you based upon any facts you may have in evidence.

In the past, has your wife suggested she does not want something, only to get upset when you do not provide it? Is your wife the type of woman who likes to be the center of attention? In the past, has your wife ever had a special-occasion/milestone birthday party; and if so, did she enjoy it? If you have answered "yes" to any one of these questions, it would appear that your wife is hinting that she would like to have a big party in her honor without coming right out and asking for one because that would be, as the teenagers say, awkward.

If, however, your wife is the type of woman who has always been straight-forward with her desires/requests; does not like to be the center of attention; and either has not had or has not enjoyed being the guest of honor at a milestone birthday party I would say that you can trust her when she tells you that she does not want a party. Please overrule your assistant (she works for you, not the other way around) and tell her that your wife does not want a party - and then hope that you made the correct choice!


P.S. My sources tell me that Pandora is "so 2012" and that Alex and Ani is the new big thing.

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

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