Saturday, July 19, 2014

This "Mr. Right" Is Very Wrong!

Dear Tazi:

My husband is one of those people who has to be right about EVERYTHING! He embarrasses me in public, at parties, and among strangers with his insistence that he is right - even when he is so obviously wrong. One time, he got into an argument with a saleslady, telling her I wore a size 12W, because "the 'W' stands for wide" and I have a wide backside. (The "W" does not stand for "wide", but for "woman", as the garment is cut smaller in the waist and wider in the hips than a Junior/Misses size). Another time, he accidentally started a rumor that our neighbor was pregnant because her skin was "glowing" (she had just received a facial).

Last week, at a 4th of July barbecue, he insisted he got better gas mileage by purchasing gas directly after someone else used the pump because there was sometimes gasoline left in the nozzle and hose. An argument erupted when someone contradicted him and told him that was outrageous. Things went downhill from there, and we were asked to leave the party. I was never so humiliated in my whole life!

I have told my husband that he owes all present at the party, as well as our host, a sincere apology. He has said he will apologize if someone can prove him wrong. Tazi, I haven't the faintest idea where to look for this information on gas pumps, but my husband's claim just sounds ridiculous! Can you help me?

Married to "Mr. Right"

Dear Married to "Mr. Right":

Your husband told a saleslady that you have a wide bottom and you didn't resist the urge to clock him with your purse? You have my highest praise for your saint-like restraint! I will be writing to the Vatican to nominate you as Patron Saint of Put-Upon Wives! (Currently, that honor belongs to St. Monica - for those who were wondering).

As for your husband, you are correct: he is wrong on both counts. "W" does indeed stand for "Woman", and gasoline pumps are calculated on how much gasoline they deliver, not how much is pumped from the tank. This means whatever is left in the nozzle will be paid for by the next person who purchases gasoline, not the person who left said gasoline in the nozzle and hose. I am certain of this because I confirmed it with my local board of weights and measures, the government entity that certifies the pumps. Your husband can check this for himself - right before he apologizes to the neighbors and your party host for being such a blockhead.


P.S. I also know that "W" does not stand for "Wide" because no designer worth his drawing board would ever insult a woman that way! The correct term for a large caboose is "curvy"! If you don't believe me, ask Kim Kardashian!

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

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