Thursday, October 9, 2014

An Online Romance Is Still Cheating

Dear Tazi-Kat:

I just discovered that my boyfriend of two and a half years is cheating on me. The problem is, I only know that he is cheating on me because I broke into his email to confirm my suspicions that he was cheating on me.

"Brady" has been acting distant for several months now, and at first I thought it was just the stress of school. He has not been doing well, so I figured I would give him some space and some more time to study. Instead of studying, he started playing World of Warcraft, which is how he met the woman he has been seeing. So far, the romance appears to be online only, but I don't know if I want to stick around to see if it escalates.

If I break up with Brady, he is going to want me to give him a reason; he can be very insistant that way, wanting to know exactly why something is happening when things do not go the way he likes. For this reason, he has alienated a lot of people, including several of my close friends who are all telling me I should "jump ship". The problem is, I am still deeply in love with Brady, and I am afraid that if I leave I will regret my decision - after all, I have no real proof that he has physically cheated on me. Right? I am so confused, Tazi-Kat! I need an unbiased opinion on the matter. Care to give me one?

Crazy In Love...Or Just Plain Crazy?

Dear Crazy (In Love?):

You say you have no "real proof" that Brady is physically cheating on you. Would a sexually transmitted infection be proof enough for you that he is cheating? Or would you allow him to convince you that you must have caught it from a dirty toilet seat, or from the steam room at the gym? From the tone of your letter, it sounds to me that you do not wish to be convinced that your boyfriend has been unfaithful to you.

Brady, by your own admission, has "alienated" several of your close friends. Do you wish to drive them away as well by staying with this man even though both your instincts and your investigation have told you that he has not been true to you? Since you ask for my unbiased opinion, I will give it: Leave. Leave now, and don't look back. If Brady insists on a reason, tell him the truth: that you feel you cannot trust him, and without trust a relationship cannot survive.

I realize that two and a half years is a significant amount of time to have invested in a relationship, but can you honestly see yourself spending another two and a half years with this man, knowing what you now know? Give yourself permission to feel angry, and you may be able to see the situation through clearer eyes. Once you have the twin monkeys of guilt and hurt feelings off of your back, you may discover that you don't miss Brady like you expected you would.

-- Tazi-Kat

P.S. Although you really should not have broken into your boyfriend's email account, that is another letter for another time!

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