Monday, November 24, 2014

Algebra Tests Are Not The Only Cause Of Stomach Pains

Dear Tazi:

Yesterday, I was sick with a nasty stomach flu, but my Mom didn't believe me when I said I was sick. She thought I just wanted to get out of taking an Algebra test that I didn't study for, and that my anxiety was what was giving me a stomach ache. She sent me to school, even though I begged her to let me stay home.

My Algebra test was during first period, and once the test is started, the teacher does not allow you to leave the room for anything. It was midway through the test that I felt my stomach clench, and I knew I would have to get to a bathroom FAST! I begged the teacher for a hall pass, but he would not give one so I ran out of the classroom without one. On the way to the lav, the Hall Monitor saw me running and demanded my hall pass - which of course I did not have. To make a long, disgusting story short and sweet, I ended up being sent to the Nurse's office to wait for a ride home so I could go change my clothes.

Tazi, I go to a small school and I am pretty sure that everyone will have heard about what happened to me. The smell coming from the Nurse's office was pretty bad, and the student volunteers in the Main Office knew something was happening. All of my classmates saw me run out of the Algebra test and not return. Do you think people will put two and two together and figure out what - and who - was the cause of the smell? My Mom says no, but I am not so sure that I want to trust her opinion - after all, it was her opinion that got me into this mess (no pun intended).


Dear Em-BARE-ASS-ed:

Judging from your signature, you are able to laugh at the situation - just not as it applies to you. Considering the time-sensitive nature of your letter, I am printing it the same week that I received it; so you should see it before you have to return to school.

Please do not blame your Mom for her judgement error. If every Mom believed her teenage child when they complained of stomach pains, Algebra tests everywhere would go un-taken. Obviously, you were telling the truth when you complained of stomach pains; it's just that your timing was bad.

Eventually, you will have to go back to school! You cannot simply drop out because you are afraid of being embarrassed. If it is any comfort to you, know that the teachers and the school Nurse are all bound by confidentiality rules - meaning those who witnessed your embarrassing moment cannot talk about it. Since no student actually saw you covered in your own waste, they cannot know for certain that you were the cause of the smell. If by the time you get back to school the incident has not been forgotten, I would suggest you not involve yourself in it. Tell people the truth - you went home sick that day and missed the aftermath of the commotion. If your classmates insist on pinning the commotion on you, simply say that you "got sick" (a euphemism for vomiting) on your clothes and went home to change and rest. Your personal medical status is not their concern.


P.S. As a cat, I am partial to Puss in Boots brand "No Pants" Pants. I don't think this would work for humans, though.

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

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