Saturday, November 22, 2014

Un-traditional Ring Makes Men Think She is Single

Dear Tazi:

I am a married woman with an un-traditional wedding band.  My ring is not a simple gold band, but a blue sapphire encrusted gold circlet.  The ring has been in my husband’s family for several generations, and came over to this country with his great-great-great grandfather who brought it with him from Europe to give to his arranged bride.  It was a marriage that produced 11 children, and has been passed down through the years to the eldest son or grandson (if there were no sons that generation).  My ring has an incredible amount of sentimental value to my husband and me, and I would not trade it for the Hope diamond itself! 

My problem is that, because it is not a traditional ring, single men do not realize that I am married and often ask me for my phone number.  I work as a bartender, so this problem crops up a lot.  My usual response is something along the lines of “My husband doesn’t allow me to date anyone but him!” at which point the male inquirer gets upset and asks me why I don’t wear a wedding ring.  When I hold up my hand to show my ring, I am accused of “not wearing a real wedding ring” and “trying to boost tips” by pretending to be single.  Tazi, this is not my intent! 

Last week, a regular customer (who is quite wealthy and spends a lot of money in the restaurant, as well as at the bar) complained to my manager that I am leading men on by not making it clear that I am married and that he finds this behavior offensive.  My manager mentioned this complaint to me and told me to “try and let on” that I am not available.  Short of wearing a sign around my neck, how exactly should I do this?

Barmaid Brittany

Dear Barmaid Brittany:

I think your should wear a small sign around your neck, like this one:

This absurd gesture should let your boss see just how absurd his/her request was, and should show your regular customer that you do not appreciate being accused of hiding your marital status.  Once the point is made you can take off the sign; your point will have been made and your sense of humor will be showing, and nobody can say that you are hiding your marital status.  This will also offer you an opening to explain the significance of your ring, should you desire.

Working at a bar – even one that is inside a nice restaurant – you are going to interact with more than your fair share of problem people.  Try to remember that alcohol intensifies a person’s personality and behavior; also, it is not called “liquid courage” for nothing!  If a patron finds you attractive, it may take more than a few drinks for him to work up the courage to ask for your phone number.  Rejection will have a double sting since he has spent a nice chunk of money working up his nerve.  Your usual response is kind and witty; I see no problem with it.  I think your regular customer needs to lighten up a bit!  

Your wedding ring sounds not only beautiful in looks, but also in sentiment.  I wish you and your husband many happy years together!


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

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