Friday, November 21, 2014

Was the Phone Call Really An Emergency? Or Just A Way Out Of A Bad Date?

Dear Tazi:

I need an honest opinion. What does it mean when you are single, go on a date, and the woman you are with gets an "emergency" phone call that requires her to end the evening early? This has happened to me twice in the past month, both times with ladies I was interested in getting to know better (thus far, it has not happened with women that I was not interested in seeing again). Both times I tried calling the next day to follow up and make sure that everything was okay; and both times the ladies in question were polite and apologetic for having to leave early, but neither time did they suggest making things up to me by meeting me for another date.

I am told that I am an extremely attractive man and that I have a good personality. I am financially stable, I own my own home, and am current on the mortgage. My children are grown and independent and my ex-wife and I are still on good terms; yet I am starting to question if there is something wrong with me! Could I be doing something to put-off women to whom I am attracted and would like to pursue a relationship? Or do you think that these two "emergencies" really were emergencies, and the ladies were just too embarrassed to ask to see me again?


Dear CasaNOVA:

I like your cutesy play on words, where you capitalize the "NOVA" in your signature! Are you this charming in person, too? [Ed. Note: The phrase "no va" is Spanish for "it doesn't go"]. However, I have to add that what I find charming, some humans may find cloying and annoying. If you overdose a woman on charm, she may start looking for the nearest exit.

I am intrigued by the fact that these "emergency phone calls" only came in when you were on dates with women who interested you; and not with those you did not wish to see again. Could it be that, in your zeal to let them know that you were interested, you were being a tad too aggressive in courting these women? A good date can turn bad quickly when one person starts planning a future that the other party is not yet ready to envision.

When they go on a date, most women have some sort of exit strategy in case the evening does not turn out as planned. Some women are direct; others are more subtle, employing the "emergency phone call" trick, wherein a friend calls their mobile phone to check-in. If the date is going well, the call is ignored; if the date is not going well, a "sudden emergency" can be claimed and the date ended. Never have I heard of a man calling the next day to follow-up and see if everything is okay. Again, this could be seen as charming and polite or it could be seen as overly-aggressive and creepy.

I suggest that you take the time to analyse your own behavior, asking yourself the hard questions to get to the truth of the matter: Are you coming off as a blow-hard? Are you being overly aggressive in your attempts to charm the ladies? Are you pushing to move things along faster (physically or emotionally) than your date would like? You do not say how many recent dates you have had in total - with ladies that interested you as well as with those that did not - so I am unable to see the entire picture. Being cold and flu season, it really could be that the babysitter called because Junior got sick all over the rug.

You give an attractive description of yourself, so on paper you sound like the type of man every woman dreams of finding - but sometimes, dreams do not live up to reality. Since you are on good terms with your ex-wife, maybe you could ask her opinion of what might be happening to prematurely terminate your promising dates.


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

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