Tuesday, December 9, 2014

Bowling Widow Can't Spare Time For the Game

Dear Tazi:

My boyfriend recently joined a bowling league with a bunch of people from work, and now he is obsessed! He has "game nights" once a week, but he and a few of his teammates get together three other nights a week to practice, bringing his total weeknight commitment to three nights a week plus one week-end night for the games. This was time he had been spending with me; but now I have been pushed back for this new priority. Obviously, I am upset at playing second fiddle to a "sport", but I really do miss spending that time with my boyfriend.

I do not bowl. I have no interest in bowling, so please do not ask me to consider joining the league or attending the games to show support for his new interest (my boyfriend has already asked, and I have said no). Bowling bores me to death, and I have better things to do than spend my evenings hanging around a loud bowling alley with a bunch of people I don't know. I just wish my boyfriend felt the same way. Do you have any realistic suggestions on how to fix this problem?


Dear Neglected:

You could always break up with your boyfriend, since he has already left you for his new hobby; but then, this isn't really about bowling, is it? The issues at hand are the divergent interests between you and your boyfriend: he likes bowling, you do not. Is there anything else that he likes that you do not? Are there things that you both enjoy doing that you could do together; hobbies that might pull him away from bowling for a few nights a week?

You do not say what you and he were doing during the time he used to spend with you, but obviously it was not interesting enough to him to hold his interest like bowling does. Had the two of you slipped into such a routine that things just got boring for him? Four nights a week is a lot of time to devote to a sport, especially when that time was once devoted to someone or something else. Were the two of you actually doing anything with your evenings? Or were you just sitting on the couch watching TV all evening? If you want to recapture your boyfriend's attention, you are going to have to recapture his interest.

My advice to you is to lose the attitude about bowling. I realize that you find it boring; but your boyfriend does not. Can you muster up a little support for him? Enough to go to his league games and cheer him on one night a week? Can you reach out to his co-workers/teammates and try to get to know them? The fact that your boyfriend is with them four nights week (after being with them at work five days a week) tells me these people are more than co-workers, but valued friends. If you value your relationship with your boyfriend, you will make an effort to get to know them.

Relationships are not static - they are live and growing things that need to be nurtured, lest things grow old and die. If your lack of interest in bowling is tearing your boyfriend from your side, I would be concerned about him meeting someone who has an equal enthusiasm for the sport that he plays (yes, bowling is a sport!). Perhaps now is a good time to take stock of your overall relationship, and decide if things are at a seven-ten split, or if the two of you can salvage things by picking up the spare and moving forward.

Perfunctory Snuggles (Because I Like Bowling),

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

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