Thursday, January 15, 2015

Superficial Reasons For Break-Ups Could Point To A Deeper Issue

Dear Tazi:

I am good friends with a man that reminds me of the character that Jerry Seinfeld played on his show, Seinfeld. "Arthur" is the pickiest man I know when it comes to women! He has broken up with some very nice women over the nitpickiest details. Examples? One woman refused to grow her hair long again after cutting it short; another wore the wrong brand of sneakers; a third put on five pounds after breaking her leg and being unable to exercise; and he left yet another because he found out she wore push-up bras and that her cleavage was "not natural". His latest break-up was with a good friend of mine (I warned her not to date him).  The reason Arthur left her was because she liked to watch football on Sunday afternoons and he is not a football fan.

After every break-up, Arthur comes to me and complains about how he cannot find a good woman; how they all seem nice at first, but once he gets to know then he discovers some fatal flaw and he has to end the "relationship".  Tazi, I put that word in quotes because Arthur's relationships rarely make it past the one month mark!

After his latest break-up (from my friend) Arthur asked me if I had any other friends that I might set him up with; he tells me that he is looking for a serious relationship, and since I know him so well I should be able to find a woman who is perfect for him. I told him I would think about it, but Tazi what I would really like to do is tell Arthur the truth: that he is far too picky, that he is rejecting women over superficial things that have nothing to do with who they are as a woman, and that he has idiosyncrasies that would make him break-up with himself if he were a woman he was dating! The only reason that I haven't said anything so far is because Arthur is a sensitive guy, and I know his feelings would be hurt. Do you think critiquing his behavior would be helpful? Or should I just continue to beg off every time he asks me if I have found a girl for him yet?

"Elaine II"

Dear "Elaine II":

There is a difference between criticizing and critiquing. The first is hurtful and serves no purpose other than to speak your mind; the second offers beneficial advice on how to improve the situation. If you can find a way to constructively criticize Arthur's dating criteria, I say go ahead and have that sit-down talk with him. I suggest you start by asking him how he would feel if a woman left him for any of the reasons he has left women. It could be that there is something in Arthur's past - a bad break-up over something superficial - that has Arthur running from the very thing he seeks: a serious relationship.

Since Arthur's last break-up was with a friend of yours, I suggest you not try to set him up with any other friends lest you end up in an argument with the friend who has already dated him. This is not an excuse, but a reason to beg-off Arthur's requests. Any reasonable man should be understanding of this reasoning; if Arthur refuses to accept your situation as it is and continues to put pressure on you, I suggest that you limit your contact with him - unless you want to join the list of women he has left for superficial reasons. One does not have to be a romantic partner to get dumped.


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

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