Thursday, January 8, 2015

Whirlwind Romance May Not Stand The Test Of Time

Dear Tazi:

Last month I was miserable about the fact that I did not have a boyfriend and this month I am engaged after a whirlwind romance.  Isn’t it funny how life works?  “Bobby”, my fiancé has not yet given me a real ring so I am wearing a 1 ct. cubic zirconia for the time being.

Bobby’s grandmother always told him that when he got engaged she would give him her diamond, but now that the time has come she is refusing to part with it.  She has said that if I truly am “the one” that she will be glad to see me wearing her ring but she feels that the romance is moving a little too quickly to be certain.  Tazi, she got married after a whirlwind romance, when her husband was being sent off to fight in Korea, and her married lasted until she was widowed!  How can she now hold us to a double standard? 

I have asked Bobby to stand up to his grandmother and point out her hypocrisy, but he refuses.  I am starting to wonder just what kind of man I am marrying; if he cannot stand up to me to his family, will I always come in second place?  My brothers keep poking fun of my temporary engagement ring, saying that a real man would not have bought a fake stone, that Bobby should have invested a couple hundred dollars in a small diamond or in a birthstone ring.  I do not like hearing them talk about their future brother-in-law this way, but since they planted the idea in my head I am beginning to agree with them and am having further questions about what kind of man Bobby really is.  Am I marrying a tightwad?

My parents have been close-mouthed over our entire engagement; they have not congratulated us or offered to throw us an engagement party, but they have not expressed their disapproval, either.  Tazi, do you think that Bobby and I are rushing into things?  Or can whirlwind romances last forever?

Blushing Bride to Be

Dear Blushing Bride to Be:

You have been dating your fiancé for less than a month.  Did you know him before that – was yours a close friendship that took a romantic turn?  Or did you and Bobby meet a few weeks ago in the shampoo aisle at Wal-Mart?  Personally, I think that is a great place to meet people because you can be certain of two things – that they use soap and water on a regular basis, and they know a great price on health and beauty products when they see one!  Would I want to marry someone after only knowing them for a few weeks?  In a word, no.

You call Bobby’s grandmother’s views hypocritical; but you need to see things from “Nana’s” point of view.  Back during the days of WWI, WWII, and the Korean War (I refuse to dishonor veterans by calling it a conflict) many people got married before leaving for war because that is what was expected of them.  In doing so, they often married people who were little more than complete strangers; they then spent their married lives getting to know each other.  Back then, marriage was also looked upon differently.  A person married someone they cared for – not necessarily passionately; it was understood that passion ebbs and flows – but someone with who they had personal compatibility, which does not fade as quickly as honeymoon memories.  In short, falling in and out of love – and back in again – was a process that occurred throughout the life of the marriage, not the courtship.  This sort of arrangement has its pros and cons, but is not a common occurrence in our modern American culture.  Nana’s marriage may have lasted until she was widowed, but this does not mean that the union was a happy one; it may have been a contented one, or there may have been storms behind their closed doors.  Obviously, Nana has reasons for waiting to hand over her diamond.  Whirlwind relationships can last, but the whirlwind feelings generally die down like a hurricane that has made landfall.

Twice you ask me “what kind of man” your fiancé is – is he too scared to stand up for you, is he a “tightwad”?  If these are qualities that you absolutely cannot live with, I strongly suggest that you postpone any wedding plans you may have in  exchange for a longer courtship.


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

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