Thursday, February 19, 2015

Contrary Attitude Can Be Overcome With Love And Reassurance

Dear Tazi:

My husband contradicts everything I say. When I point this out to him, he denies it - a contradiction in itself. He wasn't always this way; he started doing it right around the time I went back to work part-time because the kids are in school full-time. Do you think there is a connection between these two? When I pointed this fact out to him, he of course contradicted every word I said and then told me I am making mountains out of molehills and exaggerating the number of times he contradicts me.

I would not mind his contradictions so much if they remained private between the two of us, but it seems that whenever he has an audience - the kids, my parents, the next door neighbors - his contradiction become more frequent. They are starting to feel like put-downs, and are really getting on my nerves. My husband says I am too sensitive and to develop a tougher skin, but I am not so much hurt by his comments than angered by them; it is like he is trying to humiliate me in front of others and all he is doing is making people uncomfortable. Again, when I mention this to him, in an attempt to talk about the problem, he tells me that there is no problem and that I am creating issues where they don't exist.

How do I get my husband to see how he has changed (and not for the better)?

Signed,
Contradicted

Try to look at things from your husband's point of view: Before you went back to work, your world view revolved around him and the children. Now, your horizons are expanding to include people and things that do not include him. He behavior reflects his own insecurity; he appears to feel threatened by your new independence. A job is more than just time away from the home; it is also a form of financial freedom. Whereas you once depended solely on him for money you now have your own source of it. The only way that he can think of to keep you from moving too far from him is to chip away at your self-esteem until you reach the point where self-doubt sets in and you are once again leaning upon him for all of the answers.

You do not say on what subjects your husband contradicts you, so I will simply suggest you try to stay away from those topics of conversation. Instead, tell him about your job, your coworkers, and your day in general. Share with him your new experiences or a concern you have about your children. By discussing issues of which he has no knowledge, all he can do is listen and not contradict; by discussing your concerns about the children you are reassuring your husband that your family is still your number one focus and that his input is still very much valued.

Every now and then, we all need our egos pumped and primed; if you show your husband that you still depend on him for things that he has always provided - such as a loving home, a solid income, and all of the things he brings to your marriage - I believe his nitpicking and contradictions will soon cease.

Snuggles,
Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.


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