Monday, February 16, 2015

For Memories To Last, Children Must Be Old Enough To Have Them

Dear Tazi:

My husband and I are having a discussion about where to go on vacation this year. I would like to take our two-year-old daughter to Disney World, since she loves Disney Princesses and many of the Disney movies. My husband says that a trip to Disney World would be wasted on her, since she would be too young to make any lasting memories of the trip; too small to go on any of what he calls "the fun rides"; and would probably get tired from all of the walking and he would end up having to push her in a stroller the entire time, which is not *his* idea of a vacation!

Tazi, I cannot believe how selfish my husband is being! A trip to Disney World is every child's dream, and I know my daughter would enjoy it, regardless of how old she is. And besides, who is to say that she will be too young to make any "lasting" memories? I am certain that this trip will be something she holds dear to her heart forever! So what if her father will have to carry her or push her in a stroller for some or most of the time? He has two strong arms! Shouldn't he want to be of service to his daughter?

My husband has put his foot down and has said no to a Disney World vacation this year, believing that we should wait until our girl is at least five before attempting such a trip. What if she is no longer interested in Disney by then? What if she has moved on to Barbie or some other childhood interest?

I have begged, pleaded, and withheld sex, but my husband is firm. He says that the money he earns is what will be paying for our vacation, and if I want to go to Disney World this year I can get a job and pay for it myself. I told him I would go work a stripper pole to earn the money, and things went downhill from there. Tazi, I wouldn't really go to work as an exotic dancer, but the point is the same: I want what I want! Is this somehow unreasonable?

Disney Lover

Dear Disney Lover:

Yes, I believe that you are being unreasonable. As for who is to say that a two year old cannot create "lasting" memories I believe that would be the doctors who study this kind of stuff. Research shows that by the age of 10, most children cannot remember anything that occurred before the age of three. Couple this with the fact that your daughter would be too young to enjoy many of the delights that Disney World has to offer and the fact that this vacation would in no way be relaxing for your husband you may want to reconsider your plans for Disney World.

The nice thing about Disney is that people never outgrow it. Young or old, I cannot think of a single person who would not enjoy a trip to Disney World! Why do you think the Travel Channel rated it one of its Top Ten Honeymoon Destinations? Just as I doubt your daughter will outgrow Disney within the next few years, I am doubting the reasoning behind your argument. Are you sure this desire to go to Disney World is about your daughter? Or is it more about fulfilling your desire to go to Disney World?

As a stay-at-home Mom, I am sure that you  have your own issues to deal with, including the question of whether or not your ideas and opinions are valid. Many SAH Mom's start to feel like they have no say in financial decisions because they do not bring home a paycheck. Your husband's response that the money "he" earns is what is paying for the trip was just plain awful. If he seeks to give you so little control over the finances and then lord it over you that he is the breadwinner in the family I can see why you are so stuck on getting your own way.

Your threat to make a living pole dancing would be enough to upset any husband who still has a pulse, and probably many without one, too. I realize it was made in the heat of the moment, but your comment went too far, as did your husband's. It is time for the two of you to apologize to each other for your hurtful comments, if you have not already.

If you are comfortable with the idea of a grandparent or other close family member watching your daughter for a few days, why not take a trip to Disney World as a couple now, and in a few years as a family? This option is more expensive, but would offer your husband and you a chance to reconnect as a couple, like you did before you had children. From the tone of your argument, there is a lot of resentment building between the two of you that is unrelated to your vacation planning, but is coming out as you try to plan what is supposed to be a happy, carefree time. A few sessions with a marital counselor, clergy, or other trained professional may be beneficial to your marriage - and anything that benefits your marriage will be what is most beneficial to your little girl.


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.


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