Thursday, March 5, 2015

Call Of Duty Player Mistakes Game For The Real Thing

Dear Tazi:

I play a lot of Call of Duty - I grew up playing it with my Dad - and I think I would like to join the military for real. My one fear is getting killed, though. There is so much war going on in the world and the U.S. gets involved in every one of them, so I am pretty sure there is a good chance I would see action - which would be cool if I was sure that I wasn't about to get killed for real, you know?

Someone told me I should join the Navy if I want to go into the military without taking a big risk of getting killed, but they don't get to fight on land. I think it would be cool to be an Air Force pilot dropping bombs out of the sky, but someone told me you need perfect vision to do that, and I wear glasses.

I haven't even decided which branch I want to go into, but my Mom is already freakin' out about me enlisting. She thinks I am going to get killed, but I have mad skills from playing Call of Duty. I know I can put those skills to real life use. Maybe I should join the Marines? They're bad-a--.

My sister reads your column all the time and said you seem to know a lot about veterans and stuff, so I was wondering if you could tell me which branch of the military would be best for me? I know as soon as I talk to a recruiter they are going to want me to sign on the dotted line, so I want to make sure I am signing up for the right branch. Thanks, cat!

Looking To Enlist

Dear Looking To Enlist:

They call me MISTER KAT!

Now, I suggest that you do some serious research about what it means to serve in the U.S. military and what it takes to be accepted to serve. I do not know where your friend got the idea that the Navy was "safe" (does the U.S.S. Cole ring a bell?) but all branches of the armed forces face the risk of death; it is the cost of wearing such and honorable and enviable uniform.

My predecessor, Koko, ran off to join forces with Mr. Tinkles

Your lack of maturity shines through in your letter, so I am not even going to begin to try and correct your misconceptions; instead, I am going to suggest you have a serious talk with the armed forces recruiters in your town - I promise you, they will not be pushing for you to "sign on the dotted line" as soon as they meet you.

Real life war is not like a video game. Your "mad skills" at Call of Duty mean nothing when it comes to shooting a real gun or having the self-control to know when to shoot and when to hold your fire. A fear of death is not unusual, but someone worthy of their uniform does not let that fear get in the way of performing their duty to the best of their abilities. If this is not a line you can tow, you need to stick to playing your war games and leaving the real work to those who can handle the risks. If you think my words are harsh, they are nothing compared to what a drill sergeant will say to you...and at that point, it is too late to go back home!

I cannot repeat what Gunnery Sgt. Hartman is saying to Pvt. Joker!

What I know about the military would not fill a thimble, but I thank your sister for the compliment! I simply have an enormous amount of respect for those who fight to defend our country and her beliefs...and am privileged to have many family members and friends who have served. As a cat, I am not eligible...apparently, the Commander In Chief is afraid we felines would take over the world if given the means!

Snuggles to you and your sister,

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

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